Arroyo Grande
• May 10: Some guy on the 100 block of El Camino Real was arrested for being a felon in possession of ammunition.
• May 9: Yet another freeloader was busted at Walmart for shoplifting.
• May 6: Some unlucky chap on the 200 block of Grand Ave., was arrested for DUI, a misdemeanor warrant and being a felon in possession of tear gas, which will sure bring tears to your eyes.
• May 5: Some guy on Ash Street was arrested for driving on a suspended license, possession of drug paraphernalia and probation violation, proving that you really can’t teach an old dog new tricks.
Morro Bay
• May 8: Police were called to the 1900 block of Sunset where a citizen had his or her credit card stolen out of an unlocked car. Some $451 had already been charged and apparently approved with another $111 in charges pending, the only protection against which is a crappy credit score.
• May 8: Someone turned in a wallet they found in the 1200 block of Embarcadero and someone turned in a key they’d found to a Dodge, and no it wasn’t a screwdriver.
• May 7: Police responded at 10:29 p.m. to a tavern in the 800 block of Main. Two pugilists had gotten into a scuffle and one had wisely fled. Then at 11:18 p.m. round two had apparently commenced. A 26-year-old ruffian was arrested for suspicion of making criminal threats and of course being schwasted, perhaps he too should have made like a tree.
• May 7: A Hispanic man twice walked into Rite Aid and returned apparently stolen items for a refund. Ol’ Robin Hood-lum got away with $35.18, and no doubt Rite Aid’s stock crashed.
• May 7: Police contacted a regular customer in the 900 block of Morro Bay Blvd., and the probationer was returned to the loving arms of Uncle Ian.
• May 6: Police arrested two 59-year-old transient men in the 700 block of Quintana for warrants and alleged violations of the sleeping-where-they-can’t-collect-a-bed-tax law.
• May 6: Police contacted a man out at 2:18 a.m. in the 900 block of Main and arrested the sitting duck for suspicion of being high like Mt. Fuji on drugs. The night before at 8 p.m. in the 200 block of Atascadero they popped another model citizen, 31, for the same dummkopf shenanigans.
• May 5: A disturbance between roommates was reported at 2:48 p.m. in the 2400 block of Nutmeg. Ol’ Felix and Oscar were contacted and declined to press charges.
• May 5: Police responded at 2:15 p.m. to the 200 block of Atascadero Rd., at an abandoned transient camp and took the dude’s bike.
• May 5: Someone stole ammunition out of a garage in the 400 block of Bernardo, but apparently already had a weapon.
• May 4: Police contacted a 65-year-old man at 3:37 p.m. in the 700 block of Quintana and took the geriatric druggie to the hospital, where they later cited and released him, no doubt after his buzz wore off.
• May 2: Police stopped a car on Hwy 1 at Yerba Buena and cited the woman driver for “operating her vehicle at a speed that was unsafe for the traffic conditions at the time.”
• May 1: Someone turned in a cell phone they’d found. Police dialed up the owner and returned it. Someone else turned in a snowboard they found on the Embarcadero.
• April 30: Police responded at 4 p.m. to the 600 block of Shasta for a domestic dustup. A woman was arrested for suspicion of domestic violence, vandalism and a warrant, and the battleaxe went to the County re-education center.
• April 29: Police responded at 2:45 p.m. to the 800 block of Front St., where they arrested a 52-year-old nasty fellow for suspicion of indecent exposure and reprobation violation.
• April 29: Another disturbance was reported at 12:30 p.m. in the 800 block of Quintana. A 22-year-old apparently disgruntled ruffian was arrested for allegedly making criminal threats and resisting arrest.
• April 27: A man reportedly lost his wallet at Albertson’s. The day before, someone turned in a wallet they’d found, see it’s all about timing.
• April 26: Police contacted another citizen of the year at 10:45 a.m. in the 700 block of the Boulevard. The 29-year-old bleary fellow was busted for allegedly being higher than a kid at Christmas on drugs and violating a judge’s probationary order to clean up his act.
• April 25: Police responded at 8 p.m. to the 400 block of Atascadero Rd., for a disturbance. A 45-year-old tomato was arrested for suspicion of being stewed.
• April 25: A disturbance was reported in the 700 block of the Boulevard at 8:30 a.m. A 38-year-old wasted fellow was cited and released on a no doubt cross-your-fingers and hope-to-die promise to appear. Next up a bench warrant.
Pismo Beach
• May 10: A man entered the lobby of the police station to report that his wife was taking money out of his bank account. They are in the process of getting a divorce and he had not given her his PIN code or password.
• May 10: A snake was outside the lobby of the Quality Inn. It was relocated likely without the continental breakfast.
• May 10: A reportedly homeless woman jumped the fence next to the Sea Heaven Apartments and stole a light that was hanging in a tree in the backyard. The property was returned, as police apparently helped her see the light.
• May 10: A guy left his cell phone in a public bathroom on Main Street and the door locked behind him. Public works lent a hand getting him back in.
• May 9: Police were unable to locate someone drag racing on a mini bike up and down Shell Beach Road.
• May 9: A man with mental health issues was reportedly on a trail at El Portal yelling that he was going to kidnap someone.
• May 9: An “irate woman” on the pier reportedly approached a caller and his girlfriend and started calling them names, a case of someone get the soap! She was cited for drinking hooch in public.
• May 9: A no doubt cultured man was loitering outside Pismo Yogurt.
• May 8: A Schlitz-faced man was in the lobby at the Edgewater Inn was taken to the Best Western where he actually had a room.
• May 8: Some really welcomed guests at Motel 6 broke a window in a room during a fight. The Bickersons were gone, but an employee wanted police to do a walk through with him.
• May 8: A guy wearing latex gloves and hanging out by the bathrooms at the pier was approaching people and yelling at them.
• May 8: A dine-n-dash took place at Denny’s. The ticket was for five people and totaled $64 bucks. The suspects appeared to be drunk — at Denny’s, really?
• May 8: A woman checked into the Best Western was acting suspicious. She had a key stuck in the driver’s side door of her car and she didn’t answer her room door when contact was attempted. Everything checked out OK.
• May 8: Complaints were made at the front desk of Cottage Inn concerning possible abuse. The man reportedly shut the door on the caller when contact was attempted. The fight was reportedly verbal only.
• May 8: Police were asked to check the welfare of an extremely hammered woman sitting in a car at the Pismo Beach Dunes RV Park. The woman had reportedly been drinking for two weeks and felt ill, ya think!?!
• May 7: The Coast Guard received a call from a woman at Dinosaur Caves Park who said she saw what looked like a reflective mirror 1-2 miles out in the ocean. It turned out to be a fishing boat with a shiny aluminum hull.
• May 7: A guy was upset with a low flying bi-plane over the pier. He said it was disturbing the peace and asked police to contact the pilot. A message was left for ol’ Lindbergh.
San Luis Obispo
• May 21: Someone called at 6:11 a.m. from the Palm Street parking garage to report a slacker sleeping on top of a City vehicle parked in the basement, a hanging offense in these parts.
• May 21: At 6 a.m. a citizen called from the Hwy 101 bridge by the Old Mission Cemetery and said some goofy dude told him he was mentally unstable.
• May 21: Police were called at 4:30 a.m. to the 900 block of Humbert for a report of “dumpster divers in the very back of the complex,” which has a different connotation if you watch Antiques Roadshow.
• May 21: Stop the presses, at 1:55 a.m. someone reported a drunken woman outside Mo Tav in the 700 block of Higuera.
• May 21: Police were called at 12:56 a.m. to the 600 block of Branch because four hooligans were in a playground, also called a San Lou-wee felony. In an unrelated matter, at 12:49 a.m. someone in the 200 block of Albert reported somebody was on his or the roof.
• May 21: At 12:32 a.m. in the 1600 block of Sydney, someone reported his or her white, 2016 Hyundai Sonata was stolen, no word on whether they’d made a payment yet.
• May 20: At 10:41 p.m. in the 800 block of Meinecke someone reported yelling in a backyard. A woman and six revelers were advised to stifle it Edith.
• May 20: Police were alerted at 10:30 p.m. to a burglar alarm at the Shell Station in the 200 block of Madonna. When police arrived at 11 p.m. a customer said they opened the door, and the alarm went off. There were no employees on scene, an apparent case of closed but still open.
• May 20: Police were called at 8:07 p.m. to the Willow Creek Estates in the 3500 block of Bullock for a complaint of two boisterous, top heavy women with open containers. The belles of the ball split before police arrived.
• May 20: Police responded to a disturbance at 8 p.m. in the 700 block of Higuera. A 28-year-old borracho tried to fight the doorman and was being “detained.”
• May 20: At 9:45 p.m. police were called to French Hospital where a discharged male patient was refusing to leave, just show him the bill, he’ll run like hell.
• May 20: Police were called at 8:17 p.m. to Foothill and La Entrada because some dingus parked his car on the wrong side of the street, in this week’s example of why we need SWAT. And in another SLO felony, police were called to Chorro and Marsh after a man hung a camera on a sign near Eureka Burger and hour before. Oddly enough, at 5:38 p.m. someone reported two transient ruffians were fighting in the street outside Eureka Burgers.
• May 20: Police were called at 6:42 p.m. to the 1200 block of Foothill for a complaint of loud music and “drinking games all afternoon,” at the Lambda Chi Alpha Frat House. Logs indicated that while perhaps not very neighborly, it wasn’t against the law.
• May 20: An alarm went off at 6:07 p.m. in the 3900 block of Broad as a malfunction upset the balance at Equilibrium Fitness.
• May 20: At 5 p.m. someone in the 700 block of Marsh reported a transient fellow setting up camp behind a building, with a bike, trailer and crap scattered all over the place. At 4:30, someone in the 200 block of Bridge reported a transient man was passed out in the entryway. The 50-year-old Snookie of course had warrants.
• May 20: Someone called at 3:51 p.m. from SESLOC FCU in the 11400 block of LOVR to report a hysterical woman had been screaming for the past half hour.
• May 20: Police were called at 1 p.m. to Chorro and Murray after a parked white Honda apparently jumped the parking brake and rolled into the middle of the intersection.
• May 20: Police were called to the 1100 block of Laurel at Atoll Holdings, Inc., after a man chopped down their tree and then left.
• May 20: At 11 a.m., someone reported a transient man sleeping on the walkway at Coast National Bank, as someone needs a better hiding place.
• May 20: Police were called to the 1100 block of Orcutt where a woman said her soon-to-be-ex-boyfriend ripped her shirt and threw the TV.
• May 20: Police were called to a disturbance at 5 a.m. in the 600 block of Higuera. A bent fellow was trying to kick down the door at B Anthony and Company Jewelers. The 24-year-old jacked up jackwad was tossed to the nick.
• May 20: Police were called at 3 a.m. to a loud party in the 500 block of Hathway. Logs indicated it was the “Hansel & Gretel style house.” No word on whether Shrek was there too.
