Morro Bay
• April 18: Yet another citizen fell and was injured walking down the street, this time at Monterey and Morro. Injuries were minor.
• April 18: At 7:51 p.m. police contacted a stumblebum in the 300 block of Morro Bay Boulevard. The 29-year-old fellow was taken to the County B&B to sleep it off.
• April 16: Police responded to Main and the Boulevard after a City tree dropped a branch onto someone’s vehicle, to document the perils of the urban forest.
• April 15: Police responded at 2:19 p.m. to Reno Court for a disturbance. A man was taken to County Mental Health for a little 72-hour timeout.
• April 15: Police stopped a suspicious vehicle at 8 p.m. at San Jacinto and Ironwood. Logs indicated the 38-year-old fellow driving got the unholy quartet — DUI, attempting to evade the cops, a suspended license and a probation violation.
• April 14: Police took a couple of hit-n-split reports in the 300 block of Tulare, as some fiend must have passed that way in the night.
• April 14: Police took a grand theft report in the 900 block of Pacific, and will no doubt have a jolly good time solving the case.
• April 14: At 4:12 p.m. police and firefighters responded to the 300 block of the Boulevard, where someone fell on the sidewalk and landed in a potential lawsuit.
• April 14: Another model citizen, age 20, was contacted at 5:44 p.m. on Kennedy Way and was nicked for suspicion of drug possession and being higher than the stacks. He was cited and released, and could probably have really used a bong hit about then. And apparently that’s what happened, when at 9:14 p.m. police responded to a disturbance in the 400 block of Avalon and guess who was there? The second time was apparently a charm, as he was hauled to the hoosegow for alleged possession, and people wonder why they call it dope.
• April 13: Police contacted a suspicious subject in the 700 block of Quintana at 2:50 p.m. The 28-year-old all star was busted for suspicion of petty theft, and of course possessing drug paraphernalia and drugs, she apparently being caught before the stash could go up in smoke.
• April 13: Police contacted another likely suspect at 4:37 p.m. in the 700 block of Quintana. The 33-year-old scofflaw had a warrant and went to the hoosegow. At 5:11 p.m. in the same spot, they caught a third keeper in what must be a good fishin’ hole. This 28-year-old miscreant allegedly also had paraphernalia and was a tad cock-eyed but was cited and released, a bench warrant no doubt in his future.

Pismo Beach
• April 23: Three dim bulbs were warned not to walk in the bike lane near Pismo Coast Village.
• April 23: Police were asked to check the welfare of a woman at North Beach Campground who had called her parents in Idaho to say that she had locked herself in a restroom. Everything appeared to be okay, but two hours later police returned to the campground for a report of a possible physical altercation between the woman and her male companion.
• April 23: A caller on the 100 block of Irish Way reported that his very pregnant wife had taken the kids to school and her car was back at the house, but she wasn’t. She was located with a friend, still pregnant.
• April 23: An arrest was made following a high-speed car chase that started on Price Street and reached 100 miles-per-hour. The CHP took over and the would-be Dale Earnhardt Jr. was pulled over in Santa Maria.
• April 23: A caller reported a woman at the bus stop at the Outlet Center who was screaming fell down on her back, got back up and continued her rant. She was hauled in for being a DIP (drunk in public).
• April 23: A man at Pismo Laundry was reportedly going through mail and trying to get in the office. He was busted for being a little too nosey.
• April 23: A female caller on the 300 block of El Portal reported that a man, who had been drinking, wouldn’t let her in their bedroom, but she wouldn’t tell dispatch where the home was located. She did, however, provide the man’s cell phone number. When police called it, she answered. They agreed to play in separate rooms for the night.
• April 23: A caller reported that while at the Post Office some creep was taking photos of her and her car.
• April 22: A caller at Shell Beach Road and Seaview reported suspicious circumstances and said that someone was casing the area in a car with a bike on the back.
• April 22: A caller at 7-Eleven reported that a male had driven in front of the store about 30 minutes prior and had crawled into the passenger seat. The caller, who thought the guy had been drinking, had tried to get him to move on. Everything was okay.
• April 22: A caller on the 100 block of Park was upset that construction was being done on the lifeguard towers at 7 a.m., which, as it turns out, is legal.
• April 22: A caller on the 100 block of Calle Corea reported that the night before she had seen two men looking at her house taking pictures. She asked if they needed any help and they motioned with a paintbrush and roller and went back to taking photos. The caller’s friend, who spoke Spanish, talked to the guys who said that they wanted to build a house in Mexico just like the caller’s. It isn’t clear what role the paint supplies played in the whole scenario.
• April 22: Trouble was brewing at the Moose Lodge. A man, who had been drinking, wanted to drive his motorcycle home and refused to get in the car with the caller. He ended up leaving on four wheels.
• April 22: Police were unable to locate a guy trying to open car doors on the 100 block of Esparto. When the caller asked the guy what he was doing, he replied that he thought the car was his buddy’s.
• April 21: Extra patrols were requested on the 300 block of Wilmar. The caller said that there were ongoing problems with construction trucks blocking his driveway. In more construction news, a caller on Cliff Avenue reported construction noise at 8:30 p.m. The caller had asked them to stop, but they refused. The crafty workers were gone when police arrived.
• April 20: A caller on the 1900 block of Shell Beach Road requested officers drive by when kids get out of school. The caller had received a report that  one hooliganwas seen urinating in the area as kids left. Police were unable to locate the boy or his little hose.

San Luis Obispo
• April 22: A citizen in the 500 block of Hathway called at 4:35 a.m. because their boozed-up 22-year-old son was knocking on their front door, and they apparently didn’t want to let the prodigal swizzle stick inside.
• April 21: Starbucks on Higuera called at 7:32 a.m. to report some pesky fellow in a wheelchair was passed out in the bathroom and needs to pinch it off and skedaddle.
• April 21: Someone called police from Pismo and Morro and said the steel pole with a “One Way” Arrow was probably hit by a car as it was completely bent over; that or Superman’s been doing shots and showing off again.
• April 21: Conserve Fuel on Santa Rosa called at 9 a.m. to complain about a transient man panhandling out front of the store, and they’ve no doubt begged him to leave.
• April 21: Someone called at 10 a.m. to report a sex offense — some jerk-off in a green hoodie and blue jeans was sitting on a bench playing pocket pool. He was done and gone when police arrived 10 minutes later.
• April 21: Morgan Stanley in the 700 block of Santa Rosa called at 11:24 a.m. to report some strange transient man was squatting between cars in the parking lot. The little sh*t was gone before police arrived. In a similar but unrelated call, at 1 p.m. someone at Damon Garcia Sports Fields off Broad said a transient woman has now taken a crap twice in the park and has been told to take her filthy self somewhere else.
• April 21: A woman called at 6:41 p.m. from the 1800 block of Garnette and said her neighbor was brazenly dumpster diving in her recycle bin, and normally she does it very much more discretely.
• April 20: Police were called at 7:57 p.m. to the 2100 block of Story at Hawthorne School because someone abandoned a boat on the street. The called thinks the sailors live across the street, having apparently abandoned ship.
• April 20: Police were called at 8:35 a.m. to Santa Rosa at the 101 South off ramp because two boys on roller blades were crossing the street and not using the crosswalk, in the latest example of why we need SWAT.
• April 20: At 10:13 a.m., some sorority girl at Alpha Gammo Rho on California called the police because there was a strange PT Cruiser in their parking lot. And she’s got the car pinned in with hers.
• April 20: Someone called at 10:14 a.m. from the 3200 block of Higuera at Adobe Systems, Inc., who said there was a suspicious man standing in front of the bank down the street. He was of course gone, as apparently there’s a bus stop nearby.
• April 20: Someone called at 11 a.m. from the 300 block of Higuera at Cal Sun Cleaning to report two ruffians were down in the creek fighting. No report, so it was apparently a draw.
• April 20: Police were called at 11:23 p.m. to the 1000 block of Olive where some transient cucumber was passed out in the bushes behind Mr. Pickles Sandwiches.
• April 20: Someone got into an unlocked car in the 600 block of Toro and stole a horseback riding helmet, proving once again that people will steal anything.
• April 20: Police responded at 12:16 p.m. to Sierra Vista for a patient that was dropped off by the ambulance who might be drunk, which ought to be an easy diagnosis.
• April 20: At 2:41 p.m. someone called in a missing person after some juvenile hooligan got off the school bus at the wrong stop and took off.
• April 20: Police got called at 3:24 p.m. because a transient man was toes up on the sidewalk by West End Espresso in the 600 block of Higuera. Then at 3:46, a transient woman had outworn her welcome at Marsh and Johnson. Logs said she needed to be moved along. And at 3:46, someone in the 500 block of Higuera at PB Company said another transient man in his 40s was out back smoking a pipe. Ol’ Sherlock Homeless was told to scram.
• April 20: Police were called at 5:17 p.m. to the 100 block of Casa at Dr. Applegarth’s Office because someone was banging on the outside wall. The caller investigated and apparently didn’t like what she saw.
• April 20: Police were called at 7:40p.m. to the 800 block of Monterey after they discovered a hole in a window at Moondoggies’ surfboard shop, a bummer fer sure man.
• April 20: Police responded at 8:47 p.m. to Frog & Peach Pub on Higuera for some tadpole refusing to leave, who also asked the caller to “rib-bit” police.
• April 20: A citizen in the 700 block of Pepper called at 10 p.m. to report some dude sitting in a parked car for the past 4 hours, and for some reason they think that’s suspicious.
• April 20: Police got a call at 11 p.m. from the 1500 block of Madonna where a woman said she found some marijuana in her daughter’s backpack and decided to rat her out to the fuzz.