Friends Of Bill W.
In many post WWII families, broken homes made life for kids very confusing. My parents were married and divorced to each other twice. After I was born, they split, remarried and split again.
By 11 years of age, our family moved 11 times. Mom was always busy going to school, working generally living a fast-paced life. Our moves were cross-country; Ohio to California, to Illinois and back to California. I would see boxes stacked in the hallway and ask, “Mommy, are we moving?” “No dear, don’t worry” and in a short period of time, off we went. I was scared all the time. The message was broken promises followed by periods of re-adjustment. I was never in one place long enough to feel like I fit in anywhere. That all changed with the first drink at the age of 13.
The many moves left me in a constant state of fear and apprehension. I became very competitive, which only exacerbated my feeling of disconnection. The saving grace was I was good athletically or I might not have fit in at all.
In Jr. High a fellow and I stole a six-pack of beer and in a 10 block walk, I downed my 3-cans. Within minutes, I felt like confident, fearless and brave, quite the opposite of my usual demeanor.
One of the least talked about conditions of Alcoholism and Addiction is the psychological damage created by the disease. The way this manifested for me is that I developed a primary relationship with my drinks/drugs of choice. It was not a healthy relationship. The relationship has three stages; first it is fun, then fun plus problems and finally only problems. The relationship lasted 28 years. I was always rationalizing the benefit of the relationship ignoring the negative because of the illusion that I needed alcohol and drugs to be okay.
That reasoning led to years of self-sabotage. Hopes and dreams went by the wayside, including a chance to play professional football and become an NBA referee. I experienced one heart breaking broken relationship after another. These examples and many more created a cycle of beating myself up for inappropriate behavior, only to repeat the actions expecting better results.
In 1977, my sister told me she had joined AA. Then another family member joined the program and I watched their lives change almost instantly for the better. The first few years I hated hearing what they were saying. They 12-stepped me, sis calling me on her AA birthday each year.
In February of 1988, a suicide attempt failed. I called my sister to admit I needed help. That night I went to my first meeting, where the speaker’s topic was fear. People shared their stories about how they handled fear and my eyes opened to not being alone. After the meeting, I told the man that walked me in that I had botched so many opportunities in life, I was afraid I would flunk out of AA. He told me that was impossible and to keep coming back. I have been clean and sober ever since.
I often hear people say, “keep coming back, it gets better.” This not my experience. Life is what it is. In the program, I have been married and divorced, lost both parents and a business. I have had lots of money and very little money. By staying close to the program, working with a sponsor, being in service, and keeping up a regular meeting schedule, I get better.
Today I have a wonderful healthy relationship with the best partner a guy could wish for. I own a thriving travel business and have a group of friends that stretch worldwide. Most of all, I no longer feel alone and know that my participation in all phases of recovery allows me the luxury of fitting in wherever I go.
Bob K.
Hola…me llamo Luz. Como empezó mi historia? Cuando-al fin-deje de tomar? Pare de tomar muy cercas a los cincuenta anos de edad. Voy a regresar a mi niñez para darles un poco de mi historia. Mis padres vienen de Chihuahua, Mexico. Yo soy la tercera entre cinco hijos y la primera nacida en los Estados Nacidos legalmente…con eso pueden saber que no escribo el español muy bien.
Bueno, yo pienso que nací alcohólica. También pienso que mi padre tenia alcoholismo aunque el nunca lo confeso. Yo no se cuando pase esa linea fina al alcoholismo pero se que de muy chica fui expuesta a muchas cosas incluso al alcohol. Mi mamá resulto ser madre soltera con sus cinco hijos. Yo fui por el mismo camino. Tuve una hija a la eded mas cerca a los cuarenta anos y les puedo decir que todas mis relaciones fracasaron. Parte de mi historia contiene también el abuso de drogas. Yo se que nuestra sociedad acepta el alcohol. Para mi el alcohol es otra forma de droga-no mas que es legal. Menciono esto porque yo deje las “drogas” cuando resulto que iba a ser madre. Nunca se me prendió el foco de que el alcohol no era para mi…porque? Porque yo tenia la enfermedad de ALCOHOLISMO! No lo reconocía.
Sigo con la vida de mi hija. Ahora soy feliz. Pero mas o menos a la edad de cuatro anos de edad de mi hija, mi monstruo-el alcohol me agarro-mi nueva “droga”..enferma..uno ni se da cuenta! Me junte con un hombre enfermo como yo! Y claro, crea que era buena idea. Los anteojos que usaba antes venían con muchas nubes! Pues me fue muy mal. Como al ano me admite yo misma que yo no podia parar de tomar-mas bien tragar-porque estaba tragando como un cochino. Empece a esconderme detrás del alcohol. Fue un tiempo muy oscuro en esos rincones de me vida. Puro abuso a mi misma y deje atrás los otros que mas amaba-la mas importante siendo mi hija!
Mi historia es muy larga acerca de mi vicio. Mi hija estaba sufriendo bajo mi enfermedad. Después de anos de tratando de cuidarla yo sola sin apoyo y perdida. Al fin, me decidí a llamar a la Oficina Central de AA en mi pueblo. Me dirigieron a juntas por el teléfono. No les miento, entre a mi primer junta y fue una intervención divina y nunca volví a tomar alcohol desde el ano 2008. A los dos anos de sodio deje al hombre con quien me junte. La vida no es fácil pero hay que vivir la sobrio! Ahora para mi no hay otro modo de vivir mas tomando parte en las juntas, practicando los 12 Pasos, y con mi gente alrededor en los cuartos de AA.
Si usted cree que tiene problema con alcohol, venga a ver por si mismo. No mas tiene que tener el deseo de no tomar! AA me salvo mi vida. Le tengo mucha gratitud a mi programa. Es un proceso de Un Dia a la Vez!
Que Dios los bendiga!
