When is going out for a meal with your loved one not fun anymore? It’s when I find myself counting the drinks that she is ordering and the outrageous amount of money that is added to the bill. If only I was so lucky to have interest compounded using the same method! I had no clue that I was in a relationship with someone who had a drinking problem. Alcoholism? I had to look it up. I clicked on the “Am I an Alcoholic self-test” and answered the questions on behalf of my partner. It was my affirmation that she is an alcoholic. Now what?
Life as I knew it went out my serene window. I read up on what I could about the subject and what I could do to help. My friends strongly encouraged me to leave the relationship and find someone else that would treat me better. I was a lost soul. I was going crazy being torn in different ways. I followed friends’ advice of having the alcoholic sign contracts promising to not drink, having her leave the house before I came home and even trying to embarrass her with the neighbors by throwing the empty bottles in the recycling cans as loud as I could before garbage pick up. Threats of hurting herself scared me. There was no reasoning with her about her drinking and of her health problems. I had false hopes when promises made were broken as easily as made with her. I was spiraling down without knowing it.
Unbeknownst to me at the time, going to Al-Anon was my answer. I went to my first meeting in hopes of finding the “cure” for her. I thumbed through the chapters of the literature and quickly glanced down the words of the 12 steps. I sat in the back and listened intently to pick up clues of how to “fix” my situation. I heard “get a sponsor”, “work the steps”, “volunteer for a service position” and “reason it out with someone else”. I had nothing to lose and was ready and willing for a change so I forced myself to attend the next week with a goal of getting a sponsor.
That night’s meeting was the longest meeting. I chickened out and ran to my car when the meeting was over. I sat there with the motor running. My practical side kicked in. I reminded myself of the goal of finding a sponsor before I left the meeting. I closed my eyes, took a deep breath and exhaled. I gathered my courage and marched right back into the room. Though the meeting had disbanded, there were some who stayed to help put chairs away and get the room cleaned up. As my eyes wandered among the room, a soft voice spoke to me from the side. “Welcome.” “Are you new to this meeting?” I could feel my face flush when I spoke back. In my shy way, I stuttered to her that I was looking for a sponsor. Without hesitation, she offered to be my temporary sponsor. After working through step three, we both decided that it was a good fit and I continued working the rest of the steps with her.
Many have said it before me and many may say it after me. I came into Al-Anon for the Alcoholic. I stayed for me. Through this program, I have found my own recovery of self. Once a lost soul, I have found my purpose in life and I like who I have become.
Happy Recovery Month
