Arroyo Grande
•June 2: Two upstanding citizens got busted for shoplifting at Walmart. Another gamer was arrested for stealing two video games.
•May 28: County Mental Health was called in to evaluate a man who had entered the police station and said he was going to harm a woman who he said had committed a crime against him. He also made statements about killing other people, which is no way to ingratiate the police.
•May 28: Some hammered guy got nailed for being a DIP (drunk in public) after he was found walking his bike down the middle of the road on the 200 block of East Grand.
Continue reading Police Blotter: June 11–24, 2015 →

Morro Bay
• May 16: A disturbance was reported at 11:16 p.m. in the 1200 block of Main. Logs indicated a 30-year-old bent woman was tossed to the nick for being thick like a tick.
• May 16: Police responded at 3:31 a.m. to a disturbance in the 200 block of Atascadero Rd. Logs indicated a 33-year-old fellow was arrested for suspicion of being higher than the stacks on drugs and making a ruckus that decent folks wouldn’t tolerate.
• May 16: Police responded at 7:52 p.m. to the 600 block of Monterey for another disturbance of the peace. Logs indicated they arrested a 48-year-old trashed woman and hauled her to the County B&B to sleep it off. Earlier at 7:15, they cited another lady in the 700 block of Quintana for being UTI and let her go, as apparently being high is better than being deep in your cups. Another woman at that scene of carnage was arrested for three misdemeanor warrants, possessing drug paraphernalia and drugs. She went to the hoosegow, however. Continue reading Police Blotter: May 28–June 10, 2015 →

Arroyo Grande
• May 5: Surprise, surprise. A cell phone left on the counter at 7-Eleven was stolen.
• May 3: Some scoundrel was reportedly illegally camping in a motorhome on Mentone for a week.
• May 2: A bicycle was stolen from a church but then returned, but lightening bolts may still come.
• May 1: Suspicious circumstances were reported on the 300 block of Fairoaks. A caller reported that the neighbor was in Southern California and last week doors and windows were open. Everything checked out okay.
• May 1: A caller on the 200 block of Courtland reported a suspicious youth, who was not a resident, in the courtyard walking near the koi pond. When the unwanted guest saw the caller watching him, he was heading toward the guys porch. He was advised against trespassing and told to hit the road.

Morro Bay
• May 3: Police responded to Albertson’s at 2:13 p.m. for a report of a shoplifter. Logs indicated a 52-year-old transient man allegedly tried to steal “alcoholic beverages” but he got caught and police cited and released the master criminal, who sometime hours later met up with a 19-year-old shipmate and allegedly stole a 20-foot sailboat from docks in the 500 block of Embarcadero. Police said the, well, pirates were intending to live a no doubt life of luxury on the open sea, albeit likely a short one. Instead they ran their commandeered sloop aground on the Sandspit (must have finally gotten the rum). The harbor patrol towed the boat and the two later SOS’d for a rescue off the Sandspit. They were arrested and tossed into the brig accused of grand theft, but apparently not piracy.
• May 3: Police responded at 10:20 p.m. to the 500 block of Mimosa for a report of a woman being pulled out of a stopped vehicle by some apparent masher, and suffering minor injuries. Police documented the rather odd incident.
• May 2: ‘Twas a busy afternoon on Tide Avenue, first with police responding at 12:15 p.m. for a runaway hooligan in the 3100 block and then for a two-car crash at 3:20 at Zanzibar and Tide. No injuries, thankfully.
• May 1: Police responded at 6:22 a.m. to the 2300 block of Nutmeg for some reported rascality, a car was doused with an unknown suspicious white chemical.
• May 1: Someone reported disorderly conduct at 7:54 a.m. at the high school, no doubt a daily occurrence before the bell rings.
• May 1: Police took a burglary report in the 600 block of Atascadero Rd., where some doofus stole a weed eater out of a barn.
• April 30: Police responded to the 500 block of Atascadero Rd., where a woman said someone stole more than $10,000 worth of jewelry out of her home, ouch!
• April 28: Police were called at 1:24 a.m. to the 1100 block of Main for a reported sexual assault. Logs indicated a 65-year-old apparent dirty old man was arrested for suspicion of indecent exposure. In an unrelated incident the next day at 5:33 p.m. a man in the 2100 block of Main was taken to County Mental Health & Day Spa for a 72-hour timeout.
• April 27: Police contacted a woman at 10:35 p.m. in the 300 block of Las Vegas. The 28-year-old apparent hype was cited and released for allegedly having hypodermic needles, her stash no doubt already dispensed.
• April 27: Police took a late report of a hit-n-split in the 1800 block of Main. No word on the inflicted carnage.
• April 27: Police took a larceny report for jewelry and property from citizens in the 100 block of Luzon, which sounds like another inside job, for as Charlie Chan never said, “When jewelry pinched, look first at closest fingers.”
• April 27: An apparent family feud erupted about 2:45 p.m. in the 2500 block of Greenwood. According to logs, a 23-year-old grandson was arrested for allegedly injuring his 65-year-old grandfather, who was also cited and released for allegedly brandishing a deadly weapon at the no doubt recalcitrant whippersnapper.
• April 27: Police were called at 10:40 p.m. to a disturbance in the 700 block of Market. A 52-year-old bent fellow was tossed to the nick for allegedly being schnockered.

Pismo Beach
• May 7: An open door on an electrifying Tesla was reported in the California Fresh parking lot was reported. Everything checked out, and the car owners left.
• May 7: A caller on the 200 block of Boeker reported a male carrying a radio was claiming to be a police officer. The caller had been sitting outside with his dog when Joe Friday walked by and said “dog owner” several times.
• May 6: A man at the Edgewater Inn refused to leave after spending the night in one of the rooms with a friend. The so-called friend had left and the guy had nowhere to go. He was advised to mosey on and no doubt find new friends.
• May 6: An angry guest at the Sea Garden Motel was yelling at an employee at the front desk asking for his money back. He was evicted.
• May 4: A caller on the 100 block of Dolliver requested to speak to an officer regarding someone who had threatened her with a gun the day before, but no weapon was seen.
• May 4: A caller on the 300 block of Haborview reported a backpack containing schoolbooks, and iPad and other items were stolen from the back of a truck.
• May 4: Some graffidiot wrote things some words and drew several penises throughout the Pismo Tunnel.
• May 4: A woman in a car with the emergency lights blinking on James Way appeared to be passed out. As it turns out, she was reviewing her to-do list, which must have been a long one.
• May 4: A report of came in of two adults smoking a bong in a car with children in the back in front of CVS. Everything checked out okay, they were in fact holding a bait pen, which isn’t normally confused with a bong, but maybe the caller had spent some time with Mary Jane.
• May 4: Between 100 and 120 polo shirts were stolen from the Tommy Hilfiger store. The total loss was about $8,400.
• May 3: Grover police dropped off a tanked guy at Motel 6. After officers left, he urinated outside the motel room and was yelling at other guests. Staff told him to take it inside, but he wouldn’t.
• May 2:A female on the 100 block of Dolliver reported that she had fallen and couldn’t get up. She said she didn’t want Cal Fire or medics to respond. Apparently, she wasn’t a Life Alert subscriber.
• May 2: A guy threatened to stab a bartender at Harry’s and left. He came back, because they always do, and was busted for being drunk in public.

San Luis Obispo
• May 8: A man called at 12:36 a.m. from Monterey and Johnson and said two men and two women were inside his car and refuse to leave. At 1:20 p.m. officers responded to the 600 block of Henderson where a woman said there was a strange man in their sunroom who refuses to leave. Her husband was trying to talk sense into the 24-year-old bonehead, who was naturally schnockered and taken to the nick.
• May 7: Police were called at 8:06 a./m. to Denny’s on Madonna where two grand slams were about to pound each other in the rear parking lot. No weapons were reported seen.
• May 7: Police were called at 8:15 p.m. to the Marsh Street Parking Lot where a transient man had worn out his welcome up on the third level. Logs indicated he was cited and released for trespassing, in a publicly-owned parking garage, and you thought paying taxes ensures your Rights.
• May 7: Some scoundrel boosted a car out of the Irish Hills Hamlet neighborhood on LOVR.
• May 7: Police were called at 8:54 a.m. by someone at Sinsheimer Park who reported a naked man was riding a bicycle on the bike trail behind the park, now there’s an image you don’t want in your head. Ol’ Willie Godiva was heading towards French Hospital, or maybe County Mental Health? The Streak was gone when police arrived.
• May 7: A citizen called police at 10:05 a.m. from the area of LOVR and Diablo who said some devil road-ragin’ redneck in a pick up truck tried to run her off the road. A second road rage call came in at 1:31 p.m. from Oak and Santa Rosa but that moron was gone.
• May 7: At 10:12 a.m. someone in the 3033 block of Augusta reported a car parked in the fire lane, a case of where the heck is there left to park?
• May 7: Someone at the Senior Center in Mitchell Park called at 10:30 a.m. to complain because a transient man came inside twice asking for food, and let’s hope it wasn’t Jesus in disguise.
• May 7: Someone reported a mattress was left on the side of Stenner Street. Three couches and two tables were left at McMillan and Morrison, and in the 2700 block of Morrison three bottles of kerosene and a BBQ were left in the roadway.
• May 7: Some horse’s a** abandoned a horse trailer in the 1100 block of Vista Lago.
• May 7: At 12:08 p.m. police were called to the 1000 block of Olive where two suspicious men and a woman were sitting in an older, gold, 4-door sedan and it appeared like the woman was trying to make $20 the hard way.
• May 7: Someone called at 12:10 p.m. from the Palm Street parking garage and said a man and woman were screaming at each other. Logs indicated the 21-year-old fellow was arrested for suspicion of grand theft auto and possessing stolen items, which turned out to be license plates taken out of Paso Robles, as the master criminal went to the hoosegow, and she will no doubt go bail him out.
• May 7: At 1:07 p.m. someone reported a traffic hazard at Nipomo and Higuera. A man was standing in the middle of the road and applauding, no doubt calling for an encore.
• May 7: Police responded to the 3400 block of Higuera where a citizen said he or she tracked their stolen cell phone to a student at the Tevelde Conservatory.
• May 7: Police were called to a disturbance at 1:51 p.m. in the Palm-Mill street alley. Logs indicated a woman was screaming that she has “NOWHERE TO GO!!!” She left before police gave her somewhere to go — the Parkinson Plaza.
• May 7: Police were called by a man at Denny’s on Madonna who said earlier, he was at a sandwich shop on Olive Street and was punched in the nose by the owner, apparently Mr. Pickles and he no doubt did nothing to deserve it.
• May 7: Someone called police at 5:46 p.m. to report a fuzzucked fellow was being more disgusting to passers by than where he was standing — Bubble Gum Alley.
• May 7: Police were called at 8 p.m. to the 3900 block of Higuera where two protestors were picketing inside Trader Joe’s, a case of people will picket anything these days. At 1:20 a.m. that night, they got a report of a woman throwing trash at the front door and making “rude hand gestures.” As the protest apparently turns ugly.
• May 7: Someone called at 9:37 p.m. from the 200 block of N. Tassajara. Logs indicated the caller said it sounded like a hazing was in progress with a lot of yelling, cussing and name calling — “Thank you sir, may I have another?” — police determined it wasn’t against the law.
• May 5: Police were called to Peets Coffee in the 1000 block of Court for a ranting woman inside the shop, just what one wants at 6:32 a.m. Six minutes later, a block away at Palm and Osos, a transient woman was reportedly walking into traffic, different MO but could be the same fruit-loop dingus.
• May 4: Police were called at 7:47 a.m. to the 1100 block of Oceanaire for a theft report. A woman said her apparently creepy neighbor went into her backyard and stole her patio umbrella, showing once again that people will steal anything.
• May 4: Police were called at 8:19 a.m. to the 1100 block of Walnut where someone had stalled a silver, late-model sedan in front of a mosque.
• May 4: A woman in town called police at 8:30 a.m. to say she was concerned about her son, and no doubt so is the rest of the village.
• May 4: Police were called at 9:39 a.m. to Santa Rosa and Palm where some woman was standing in the street blocking cars. The speed bump was gone when officers arrived. At 9:49, someone in the area of Mo Tav in the 700 block of Higuera said another whack-a-doodle was screaming and yelling, hitting the walls and going berserk in the street. And over in Mitchell Park someone reported a guy was already schwasted in public at 10:17.
• May 4: Police took a report of alleged sexual assault at the stationhouse on Walnut, in the sometimes not-so Happiest Place on Earth.
• May 4: A citizen in the 1300 block of Cavalier called at 12:30 p.m. to report seeing a strange young man jump over the neighbor’s fence. The fence-jumpin’ hooligan was gone when police arrived at 1.
• May 4: Someone called 9-1-1 at 2:55 p.m. to report some bump-on-a-log transient woman sitting in the driveway of an apartment complex next to French Hospital. The call was dispatched at 3:25 and the officer arrived at 3:33, and she was shooed away.
• May 4: The Church of Later Day Saints on Foothill asked for extra patrols, as the God-fearing gotta worry about the devil.
• May 4: Police got a report of an animal problem at 4:41 p.m. from the 3800 block of Higuera. Logs said an apparently gruff Billy goat was in the road again.
• May 4: Police responded at 8:33 p.m. to Best Buy on Madonna where a customer was yelling at the employees and refusing to leave, in this week’s latest example of why we need SWAT.
• May 4: A citizen in the 1500 block of Madonna called 9-1-1 at 11:21 p.m. to complain about marijuana smoke coming through the apartment walls from his or her pothead neighbor, which if true makes Cheech & Chong look like Pat Boone.
• May 4: Someone called at 11:58 a.m. to report a truck on Hwy 101 North between Madonna and Marsh was parked on the shoulder on fire.

Morro Bay
• April 18: Yet another citizen fell and was injured walking down the street, this time at Monterey and Morro. Injuries were minor.
• April 18: At 7:51 p.m. police contacted a stumblebum in the 300 block of Morro Bay Boulevard. The 29-year-old fellow was taken to the County B&B to sleep it off.
• April 16: Police responded to Main and the Boulevard after a City tree dropped a branch onto someone’s vehicle, to document the perils of the urban forest.
• April 15: Police responded at 2:19 p.m. to Reno Court for a disturbance. A man was taken to County Mental Health for a little 72-hour timeout. Continue reading Police Blotter: April 30–May 13, 2015 →

Arroyo Grande
• April 4: A caller asked police to check the welfare of a female who hadn’t shown up for work after her ex told someone that he was going to kill her.
• April 4: A caller reported that there was a problem with pornography at Paulding Middle School — teen-aged boys, no doubt.
• April 3: A caller on the 500 block of Carmella Drive reported a case of unsafe shooting after finding an arrow in her yard and a broken window. The neighbor was practicing archery with her daughter and was unaware of the bulls-eye he or she hit on the window. Continue reading Police Blotter: April 16-29, 2015 →

Morro Bay
• March 20: Police went to Albertson’s on Quintana at 8:42 a.m. for a disturbance, trespassing and petty theft report. A 72-year-old woman was arrested and taken for a life-altering experience.
• March 20: Police contacted a gent causing a ruckus in the 700 block of Morro Bay Blvd., at 7:08 p.m. and arrested a 50-year-old sizzled fellow for allegedly being sporked in public.
• March 20: Someone pedaled off with a bicycle from the 1000 block of Market.
• March 19: Someone in the 600 block of Harbor reported the theft of plaques and boulders, proving once again that people will steal anything. Continue reading Police Blotter: April 2–15, 2015 →

Avila Beach
• March 13: Sheriff’s Deputies responded to a report of an 18-year-old man who had fallen off a cliff and into the water at Pirates Cove. Witnesses reported seeing the man walking along the cliff moments before he fell. A swimmer was able to pull the man to the water’s edge. The Port San Luis Harbor Patrol and Cal Fire responded and began CPR. He was transported by boat to the Port San Luis Pier to a waiting ambulance. The medics on scene confirmed the man had met Davey Jones.

Morro Bay
• March 8: Police got a report of a Double-D woman at 1:20 p.m. in the 700 block of Morro Bay Boulevard. Logs indicated a 54-year-old lady was hauled to the County hoosegow for allegedly being drunk & disorderly. Continue reading Police Blotter: March 19–April 1, 2015 →

Arroyo Grande
• Feb. 22: Police were asked to check the welfare of some fruit lying face down in a field on Blackberry. The guy was moving and breathing.
• Feb. 21: Someone took the McDonald’s slogan Have it Your Way to a new low by trying to sell meth to customers. The Big Meth was arrested.
• Feb. 18: A woman driving a hatchback was reportedly digging through people’s recycling bins on the 600 block of Tierra.
• Feb. 18: Police were called to check the welfare of someone on the 600 block of La Vista who said people were outside who wanted to kill him. The poor guy was hiding in the closet. Everything checked out safe, but perhaps not sound.
• Feb. 18: Customers in the drive through at McDonald’s reported juveniles in the dumpster area and car alarms going off. The little scoundrels were gone when police arrived.
• Feb. 17: Some drip sitting by mailboxes offering people free water on the 100 block of Brisco Road was gone when police arrived.
• Feb. 16: A guy who had been drinking near Rite Aid went inside to pick up a prescription. He then reportedly passed out in a chair with an empty beer can in his pocket. He had been drinking but wasn’t over the limit, so police let him walk home.

Morro Bay
• Feb. 16: Police were in the process of towing off a vehicle parked for too long at Radcliff and Little Morro Creek Road. As that was happening they stopped another vehicle in the same area, cited the driver for no license and impounded that one too, a possible case of 2-scofflaws for one.
• Feb. 17: Someone reported that a kid from the high school who was in emergency protective custody skipped out of school early and gave his or her savior the slip.
• Feb. 18: A citizen reported finding cash on the sidewalk on Morro Bay Blvd., and gave it to police, who no doubt thaaank-you for your contribution.
• Feb. 18: Police were called at 1:10 p.m. to the 1700 block of Embarcadero where some Speed Racer was tearing it up and driving recklessly. The 24-year-old lead foot was cited and released to race to the courthouse and give a pound of flesh.
• Feb. 18: A citizen in the 400 block of Quintana reported finding two bicycles and turned them over to police. The next day someone stole a bicycle from a home in the 400 block of Marina, co-winky-dinky?
• Feb. 19: Someone turned in a driver’s license they’d found on the ground. Someone also turned in a Cal-ID card, and a food stamps debit card they’d found.
• Feb. 20: Someone at a watering hole in the 900 block of Main said his wallet was stolen, a case of round up the usual suspects.
• Feb. 20: At 5:32 p.m. someone at Ironwood and Sequoia reported some mongrel had bitten them.
• Feb. 20: At 8:27 p.m. police and paramedics responded to the 700 block of Market where a woman fell and landed in a potential lawsuit. The next day a citizen took a fall in Del Mar Park.
• Feb. 21: Police contacted a 58-year-old transient man in the 800 block of Embarcadero and cited the slacker for camping where they can’t collect bed taxes.
• Feb. 21: At 10 a.m. at Embarcadero and Harbor a car legally parked caught fire. It was put out and towed to the impound yard where the registered owner was contacted and told to come pick up whatever meager consolation they were able to salvage from the blaze.
• Feb. 21: At 11:30 a.m. police responded to a report of a woman making a ruckus at Taco Bell on Main Street. The 39-year-old chalupa was arrested for suspicion of being sauced in public. At the same time next door, a 20-year-old woman was contacted and determined to be higher than the stacks on drugs and was hauled to the nick to crash.
• Feb. 21: Police contacted a fellow in the 700 block of Quintana who’d no doubt crawled out from under a bridge and who had three warrants.
• Feb. 22: Police spotted a suspected stolen vehicle out of Fresno at 8:36 a.m. in the 1700 block of Embarcadero, down by the beach. They contacted two suspicious characters nearby and both — ages 30 and 40 — were arrested and the notion of stealing a car and driving to the beach was dashed once again.
• Feb. 22: Police stopped a suspicious vehicle at 8:30 p.m. somewhere in town. Logs indicated the 63-year-old driver from Escondido was arrested for suspicion of driving deep in his cups. He was taken to French Hospital for a blood letting and apparently had some kind of medical emergency because the hospital kept him.
• Feb. 22: Some scoundrel slashed two tires on an innocent car in the 700 block of Morro Bay Blvd.

Pismo Beach
• Feb. 23: An employee at the Sea Venture reported hearing someone running through the garage and then up the stairwell to the third floor. The caller was concerned because of recent vandalism in the area. Police did not locate any miscreants.
• Feb. 23: Cal Fire responded when a woman in the parking lot of a medical facility flagged down and officer asking for medical attention due to an infection.
• Feb. 23: Be on the lookout for a satellite dish scam. A caller on the 200 block of Five Cities Drive reported that they had signed a deal with a company called Warren Communications who promised better prices for Direct TV. The caller was charged almost $800 in additional fees. Direct TV is not associated with the company in question.
• Feb. 22: Some people reportedly entered am/pm to purchase some stuff but didn’t have any moolah. When the clerk told them to leave, one of them reportedly hit him over the head with something and he was bleeding. An arrest was made.
• Feb. 22: Police were unable to locate some gent who had urinated in the Ventana Grill parking lot and was stumbling around.
• Feb. 21: State Parks came to the rescue after people at North Beach Campground were walking around and talking loud after midnight.
• Feb. 21: A guy on the Five Cities Drive off ramp was advised not to stand in the middle of the roadway.
• Feb. 21: Suspicious circumstances were reported on Dolliver Street concerning a woman and a man sitting in a car for a couple of hours. The caller reported possible drug activity and that the woman was talking to herself while the man appeared asleep, which seems pretty normal.
• Feb. 21: Medics were called to deal with a hammered woman in the backside of the parking lot at Del’s.
• Feb. 21: Police were unable to locate a mother and son at Shell Beach Laundry. The upstanding son had reportedly been talking about shooting people. The family that kills together, stays together.
• Feb. 21: A large group of people camping on the beach were in for more than they expected when an expecting woman started going into labor. State Parks responded to help bring little Yogi Bear into the world.
• Feb. 21: A caller hanging out at Harry’s reported that someone who had been making advances at her had put something in her drink. Everything checked out okay.
• Feb. 21: A caller reported a man dressed as an employee of Pismo Lighthouse Suites broke into a room. The imposter had opened the door with a key and was confronted by the guest using the room. He claimed the front desk had asked him to check the room. The front desk had not.

San Luis Obispo
• Feb. 26: Police were called by a volunteer on 2-1-1 who said a man in the 600 block of Sweeney told him or her that he was going to cut himself with a razor, and we ain’t talking about shavin’.
• Feb. 26: At 11:26 a.m. in the area of Madonna and Higuera a panhandler was reportedly holding a sign and standing in the street, which is no way to get anything but run over. Police actually caught the hazardous fellow and cited the begging bugger.
• Feb. 26: Police responded to the Home Goods Store on Froom Ranch where they had a soon-to-be-ex-employee detained for allegedly stealing more than $3,000 in cash and store credit, clearly an inside job.
• Feb. 26: Police responded at noon to Whole Foods on Froom Ranch where some heartless demon left his or her two dogs in the car for more than 20 minutes, and the windows were barely open a crack, a hanging offense here in San Looney.
• Feb. 26: A citizen in the area of South and Brook called to report an elderly woman living our of her car and they wanted to make sure police knew about it, and you know what they’ll likely do…
• Feb. 26: At 3 p.m. a citizen in the area of Higuera and Nipomo reported a skinny white dude in his 20’s, wearing a tank top with a goatee and a Mohawk was apparently on the warpath and jumping in an out of traffic.
• Feb. 26: At 5:40 p.m. in the Vons parking lot on Broad someone reported a suspicious man walking around with his shirt off and wrapped across his face, as the stinky-Tee bandit strikes again. Worse yet, three transients were discovered camping out by Vons’ dumpster, as anarchy threatens to arise.
• Feb. 26: At 7:31 p.m. police were called to am/pm on LOVR for a report of some crazy dude punching into the air and screaming at no one, except perhaps God?
• Feb. 26: At 6:45 p.m. in Mission Plaza someone reported a disturbance by the restrooms. Logs indicated police arrested one 37-year-old scofflaw for suspicion of possessing illegal drugs and of course a warrant.
• Feb. 26: A man called police at 7:42 p.m. from Nipomo and Higuera and said he can hear music outside his house and wants it turned down. Logs indicated police said there was no violation, as just ‘cause you hear it doesn’t make it a nuisance.
• Feb. 26: Police responded at 8:23 p.m. to the 1500 block of Calle Joaquin at the Rose Garden Inn where a bent fellow pushed his soon-to-be-former co-worker and tried to hit him.
• Feb. 26: Police responded at 9:14 p.m. to the 3900 block of Higuera for a reported burglary. Taken was make up, clothing, $1,000 and two fish from a fish tank, as apparently the thief got hungry.
• Feb. 26: At 10:09 p.m. at Vons on Broad someone reported two teen-aged boys drinking a bottle of Champagne right in front of the store, clearly a rookie mistake.
• Feb. 26: A citizen in the 400 block of Woodbridge called at 10:12 p.m. to report a semi truck was parked legally on the street, which was OK, except that it’s no doubt parked in front of HIS house.
• Feb. 26: Sierra Vista Hospital asked police to contact the mother of a juvenile they had in the emergency room, what every parent fears at 1 a.m.
• Feb. 26: At 4:47 a.m. police went to 7-Eleven on Marsh to deal with some blasted fellow laying outside the store yelling at the clerk, in this week’s example of why we need SWAT.
• Feb. 26: Police responded at 6:19 a.m. to the 200 block of Casa where a citizen said his or her guest stole their meds and they think they were poisoned, a case of get better friends buddy.
• Feb. 25: At 7:15 a.m. someone at Santa Rosa Park reported some maniac yelling at no one in particular, having no doubt woken up on the wrong side of the bushes.
• Feb. 25: At 8:14 a.m. someone at CL Smith School on Balboa reported a suspicious old VW Beetle — the preferred car of 4 out of five serial killers — cruising back and forth outside the school.
• Feb. 25: Police got an open line 9-1-1 call from the 1000 block of Southwood with no voice but just a clicking sound, no doubt a Pygmy on the line.
• Feb. 25: At 10:14 a.m. a man in the 100 block of Stenner reported a black Hyundai Genesis blocking his driveway and he’d no doubt like it blown to smithereens, but towing would be OK too.
• Feb. 25: At noon someone at LOVR and Calle Joaquin reported a motor home over by AAA with a man holding a bucket that he’d apparently dumped in and then dumped out.
• Feb. 25: Someone called at 2:47 p.m. from the City/County Library at Palm and Osos to report some degenerate smoker out front puffing away. Ol’ Smokey evaporated before police arrived.
• Feb. 25: Police were sent to the 3900 block of Higuera to check the welfare of a woman with a bladder infection.
• Feb. 25: Police responded at 4:52 p.m. to the 1000 block of Southwood for a report of a 12-year-old foster daughter “throwing a fit.” The brat apparently settled down, as she wasn’t arrested.
• Feb. 25: At 5 p.m. police went to a store in the 1000 block of Morro where some transient man had come in a couple of times and was being inappropriate at Apropos. At 5:46 officers checked the welfare of a woman in the 700 block of Higuera yelling profanities and ruining the vide outside Ambiance. She was described as late-40s, 5-foot 8, skinny, with a blue baseball cap and tan jacket. At 6, they went to the 3000 block of Broad for another woman throwing chairs and threatening people inside the Alano Club, not exactly a bastion of hell raisers.
• Feb. 25: Someone called police at 8:40 p.m. from the 500 block of Higuera to report a dead cat on the side of the road covered with a blanket, it’s nine lives apparently having been used up.