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Police Blotter

Police Blotter—Dec. 18, 2014

Arroyo Grande
•  Dec. 10: A shifty situation was reported behind the dumpster out back of Payless Shoes and Radio Shack. The caller said that there was a sleeping bag laid out but couldn’t tell if anyone was in it or not, however, naturally there was a large container of hooch sitting next to it. A warning was issued to good ol’ boozy.
•  Dec. 8: A caller on the 700 block of Dodson asked that police check the welfare of a man who seemed to be sloshed. He checked out sober.
•  Dec. 8: A man tried to pass off some fake money at am/pm but police couldn’t locate the wanna-be millionaire and, further, no crime was committed because he took the moo-lah with him.
•  Dec. 8: A caller on the 1100 block of Branch reported a panhandler following people to their cars asking for money. He or she had been kicked out of Walmart earlier. They’d buggered off before police arrived.

Cambria
• Deputies took a report of some swine dumping trash in the area of Main and Santa Rosa Creek Road. No word on who has to clean it up.
• Dec. 11: Deputies took a report of fraud at a business in the 1200 block of Knollwood, the hazards of being in the tourism business.
• Dec. 11: Deputies were called at 11:09 a.m. to the 2500 block of Wilcombe, for if you throw a raucous party in Cambria the cops will come crashing.

Cayucos
• Dec. 11: A citizen in the 3200 block of Ocean Blvd., reported a burglary at 3 a.m. Deputies arrived at 3:19 p.m. to take a report, for whatever that’s worth.

Los Osos
Dec. 10: Someone called at 3:18 a.m. to report a suspicious subject sneaking around the 300 block of LOVR. He was of course gone when deputies arrived at 3:24 p.m., shoot a dune snail could have gotten away.

County Jail
• Dec. 9: Sheriff’s deputies arrested someone at the County Jail, as rehabilitation needs a little work in his case.
• Dec. 9: Eight little reindeer at Santa Ian’s house got early Christmas surprise visits from the County Lab. Seven more naughty little boys got tested on Dec. 10 and eight more on the 12th.

Morro Bay
• Dec. 13: Sheriff’s deputies were sent at 10:38 a.m. to the 400 block of Chorro Creek Rd., for a domestic disturbance. According to logs someone was arrested for alleged assault with a deadly weapon — not a firearm. According to a witness, a woman was heard screaming, and then a car went tear-assing backwards down a dirt road with the passenger door open before skidding to a stop. The woman driver ran from the car to a neighbor’s home where she reportedly hid on the porch. Following soon was a man clad in pajamas with no shoes on running down the dirt road and disappearing into the bushes. Deputies searched the area for some time and apparently caught the pajama-clad louse.
• Dec. 8: Police responded at 2:19 p.m. to a disturbance in the 300 block of Atascadero Rd., and arrested a 22-year-old brute for suspicion of battery.
• Dec. 9: Police took two late reports for battery in the 800 block of Morro Bay Blvd., next door to the police station. Logs indicated it was “information only,” so don’t expect much protect and serve this time.
• Dec. 10: Police stopped two vehicles at 9:22 p.m. in the area of Main and Surf engaged in a “speed contest” also called racin’. Logs indicated the contest was apparently between a husband and wife (or maybe they’re siblings or how about exes?). Both were cited for speeding and released but their cars each got 30 days.
• Dec. 12: Police contacted a disorderly fellow at 10:55 a.m. in the 900 block of Embarcadero and discovered he had a warrant, so off to the nick he went, for as Confucius never said, “When man have warrant, best to keep big mouth shut.”
• Dec. 12: A 45-year-old man was allegedly caught helping himself to the Christmas spirits at Albertson’s without paying. Police cited and released the sticky-fingered thirsty soul. An hour later, they responded to Rite Aid for yet another theft, as Christmas brings out the worst in some folks.
• Dec. 12: At 5 p.m. police responded to the 400 block of Orcas St., where a citizen said someone may have entered his or her home and “removed property without permission,” normally secret code for not saying that a relative is suspected.
• Dec. 13: Police contacted a suspicious pedestrian swaggering down Harbor at Piney Way at 3 p.m. The 23-year old was deemed too schwasted for decent society and was hauled to the iron bar hotel to sleep it off.
• Dec. 14: Police rolled at 11 p.m. to the 400 block of Orcas for a woman causing a scene. Logs indicated they arrested a 42-year-old hellcat for suspicion of being three sheets past a snoot full in public.

Pismo Beach
•  Dec. 11: A caller reported a man on the 700 block of Stratford was taking pictures of a house for the third time in the past month. Another call came in from someone on Whitecap who reported what appeared to be the same guy taking pictures of a house.
•  Dec. 11: Police sprang into action to help with a trampoline that had blown over and was resting against a tree on the first block of La Garza.
•  Dec. 11: A caller at the Outlet Center reported that several people were being held up in the Ralph Lauren store by people with semi-automatic weapons. He suggested that police send an “army.” Chicken Little was detained until county mental health arrived.
•  Dec. 09: CHP advised a man walking on the shoulder of Highway 101 with a blanket and suitcase over his head not to do that anymore.
•  Dec. 09: A caller reported that his car was stolen from the California Fresh parking lot. It turned out that management had it towed behind the building to make room for farmers’ market, which is a nice way to give a guy a heart attack. Another car was also behind the building.
•  Dec. 9: A man wearing a cowboy hat was walking around the Shell Café pointing at employees like he had a gun. No arrest was made, as ol’ Tex was apparently not loaded.
•  Dec. 9: A man was reported on the 1500 block of Shell Beach Road outside of an upstairs apartment yelling at someone. It turned out that he was yelling to a friend as apparently neither of them ever heard of a phone.
•  Dec. 8: A man by the Shell Café was swinging a baseball bat and pointing it at employees like it was a firearm. He was advised not to swing a bat unless it was behind home plate.
•  Dec. 8: A woman went into the station to report that a man at the Pismo Hotel had harassed her and tried to touch her and her baby while she was breastfeeding, a possible case of sour milk.

San Luis Obispo
• Dec. 12: Someone called at 12:17 a.m. from Domino’s on Foothill because there was a drunken fool inside arguing with the employees. The cheesy crust was tossed into the County oven to stew a while. Then at 1:09 a.m. someone reported a McDingus inside McDonald’s cursing and making a McFool of himself. He was McGone when Chief Big Mac arrived to cook his fries.
• Dec. 12: Police were called at 4:30 a.m. to the 100 block of California, where a transient man was inside a frat house acting strangely and looking like he’s fuzzucked, surprised he didn’t blend right in.
• Dec. 11: Police responded at 8:19 a.m. to the 1100 block of Madonna for an ongoing problem of a drunken woman raising hell early in the morn. The 60-year-old boiled hen was hauled to the nick for being cock-a-doodled in public.
• Dec. 11: Someone at Target called police because a known shoplifter, who stole a Playstation last time, just walked into the store, as he no doubt heard they were having a sale.
• Dec. 11: Police and firefighters responded at 11:10 a.m. to Pacific and Nipomo where a red Honda Civic crashed into a white Honda Prelude. There were no injuries reported, as the airbags apparently didn’t go off.
• Dec. 11: Police got a call at 11:53 a.m. from Santa Rosa Shell about a transient man who is having trouble keeping his pants up, and he’s not wearing any underwear. Police couldn’t find the Copertone Kid. In an unrelated call, at 12:05 p.m. there was a boozer sitting at Higuera and Madonna with a tall boy talking to himself, and no doubt he still doesn’t make any sense.
• Dec. 11: A woman called police at 5:32 p.m. from Marsh and Morro who believed a group of people were selling drugs, this after she heard them talking about “grams,” no doubt because only drug dealers use the metric system.
• Dec. 11: Police were called to Ralph’s on Madonna because some fruit loop dingus was out in the parking lot going up to cars and motioning as if he was slitting his own throat but apparently it was just a bluff.
• Dec. 11: At 6 p.m. someone called to report a tree had fallen over and was blocking Madonna Road. It was the first of some 14 storm-related tree-down calls that came in over a short period of time.
• Dec. 11: Police responded at 6:28 p.m. to the Palm Street parking garage where a woman was hit by the parking garage’s crossing arm, a case of stay away from the train tracks lady.
• Dec. 11: A citizen in the 1200 block of San Mateo called at 9 p.m. to report a possible fire, or at least a suspicious glow in her neighbor’s backyard. Logs indicated there was no fire, the pouring rain no doubt having seen to that.
• Dec. 11: A citizen at Tank Farm and Hollyhock asked police to come check if there were transients camping under a bridge, which in a raging storm is about as cold as it gets.
• Dec. 11: Police responded at 11:38 a.m. to Mo Tav in the 700 block of Higuera where a stupid drunken man hopped over the bar, broke into the office and damaged a computer. The schwasted vandal was hauled to the nick and will no doubt make Judge Santa’s naughty list.
• Dec. 11: Police were called at 2 a.m. to Marsh and Chorro where three punks were harassing a drunken man and stealing his stuff. The cowards ran off before police could even the score.
• Dec. 10: Police responded at 10 a.m. to Mitchell Park for a report of some Boris sitting on a bench with a bottle of vodka. Ol’ Yeltsin was banished to the gulag.
• Dec. 10: Someone called 9-1-1 from Tank Farm and Long to report a reckless UPS driver, and it’s about time too.
• Dec. 10: Someone in the 600 block of Sandercock called at 11 a.m. to report a disoriented 55-year-old man who has “high ammonia levels from liver cirrhosis,” which explains a lot.
• Dec. 10: Under the category of “Huh?” Dispatch got a 9-1-1 hang-up call at 11:53 a.m. from a payphone at Trader Joe’s and auto-call back got a fax machine. At 1:51, they got a 9-1-1 hang-up from Charter Cable on Bridge and auto-call back got a phone tree.
• Dec. 10: Police were called at 1:08 p.m. in the 1300 block of Johnson to check the welfare of a man who was down behind Albertson’s with his eyes rolled back in his head and twitching, also called pitching a wobbler.
• Dec. 10: Police were called at 3:21 p.m. to the 1100 block of Madonna where some plastered wench had outstayed her welcome.
• Dec. 10: Police were called at 5 p.m. to the 700 block of Higuera because a dozen transient men and women were blocking the sidewalk panhandling, so one can lay in the street blocking traffic in political protest, but block a sidewalk to beg some alms and off you go.

San Simeon
• Dec. 12: The weekly call to San Simeon came in at 4:10 a.m. with a request to check the welfare of a suspicious character causing a disturbance in the 9400 block of Castillo Dr. The squeaky wheel was tossed to the nick for being well oiled. D

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