Most everyone has heard the concept “Men are from Mars, women are from Venus,” inferring that men and women are so intrinsically different and their communications styles chasms apart that it invariably leads to problems in a relationship. But, what if there was something that was a more reliable predictor of behavior in a relationship? What if it was not linked to our gender, but rather our sexual personality?
Whether you are a man or woman, makes no difference. You see, each of us has a dominant sexual personality. Some of us are what we call Physical Sexuals and others Emotional Sexuals. The Emotional and Physical Sexual Personality theory, created by Dr. John Kappas, PhD, has been applied for decades to help people understand their unconscious motivations and behaviors in their relationships, especially when there have been repeating patterns that have led to problems in their relationships.
The two scenarios below are a general example of a higher scale physical and an emotional together in a relationship:
Scenario 1- It’s Valentine’s Day and you are excited to give the perfect gift you bought days ago. You play the scene in your head: When your sweetie see’s what you have offered at their feet you are positive that they will show their immense gratitude by wrapping themselves around you like plastic wrap, stare deeply into your eyes and tell you that you are the most amazing partner they have ever had. You are equally as excited for the gift you are sure to get from them. After all, the relationship you two have ranks first priority in both of your lives, doesn’t it? (You will be very hurt later this evening whether you express it or not if your partner doesn’t respond the way you expected)
Scenario 2- Its Valentine’s Day, 5 in the afternoon, and you get a text from your partner about how they can’t wait until later to see you. It is about now that you panic, realizing that with all of your work and busy schedule you forgot to get a card and a gift, and it will be impossible to get reservations anywhere decent for dinner. You have nothing to give and you know that somehow that bonus check from work as reward for all your extra efforts will not placate them. You might even start your defense argument in your head: Don’t they appreciate how hard you work to make your mutual dreams a reality? That vacation to Europe isn’t going to pay for itself, right? (You will be very defensive and want to withdraw if your partner makes a big deal out of this)
The biggest mistake couples can make is assume that they know the motivation for their partner’s behavior. In both of the examples above, neither person was wrong, only motivated differently within the relationship. With the E & P theory, we gain greater understanding and ultimately create the strongest relationship possible. If you would like to learn more about your personality type and how your behavior can work for you or against you, contact me any time. Now, about Valentines’ Day….
Gila M. Zak is an Honors Graduate of HMI College of Hypnotherapy in Tarzana, CA. She offers free consultations and her office is located at 2280 Sunset Dr. Unit D Los Osos, CA.
Contact her via email: or at 805.704.3599.
For more information visit her website: www.QuantumWavesHypnotherapy.com
