San Luis Obispo
• Sept. 1: Some creeper broke the back window of a van in the 3900 block of Higuera, so much for locking the doors.
• Sept. 1: Police responded at 6:36 a.m. to the 1300 block of Higuera because — Eeeuuwww!!! — some transient man was sleeping on cardboard by the trashcans at the Gamma Phi Beta Sorority house.
• Sept. 1: An irate citizen called police at 6:13 a.m. from the 1900 block of Corralitos complaining about a loud cement truck pouring concrete, as no doubt the truck showed up early for once.
• Sept. 1: Police responded at 4:17 a.m. in the 3900 block of Higuera, where three hooligans tried to make a beer run but were thwarted by security. They apparently got away, though, as no arrests were reported.
• Sept. 1: Police were called at 3 a.m. to the 1600 block of Huasna where some scoundrel smashed a driver’s side window of an innocent Ford Fusion.
• Sept. 1: A citizen called at 3:08 a.m. from the 1700 block of Broad because some dingus was sitting in her front yard after he tried to get in the door.
• Sept. 1: Police were called at 1:07 a.m. to the Frog & Peach where some battleaxe punched another woman in the face and they’re both still on scene.
• Sept. 1: At 1 a.m. police were sent to The Library in the 700 block of Higuera for a woman passed out in the ladies room suffering possible alcohol poisoning. She was turned over to someone a little less ripe to care for her.
• Aug. 31: At 11:12 p.m. someone in the 1500 block of Palm reported a loud BOOM! Then the power went out and the neighbors are outside investigating, no doubt in danger of electrocution too.
• Aug. 31: Some music critic called at 11 p.m. from the 200 block of Higuera to complain about a “sporadic loud stereo.” It was off when police cruised past; a case of timing is everything.
• Aug. 31: At 10:56 p.m. some sloppy Chalupa was laying in the street by Taco Bell on Santa Rosa. He apparently avoided being a speed bump.
• Aug. 31: Police were called at 10:19 p.m. to the 3700 block of Higuera where some fellow was stripping his clothes off in the sprinklers, as the portable, free showers look smarter all the time…
• Aug. 31: Police were called at 10 p.m. to the 1500 block of Nipomo where a guy said someone just ran their car into his roommate’s ride. A 28-year-old wrecked fellow went to the hoosegow for driving schnuckered.
• Aug. 31: Someone in the 2100 block of Price reported a backyard bonfire at 9:36 p.m. The fire department saved them from themselves.
• Aug. 31: A citizen in the 1500 block of Calle Joaquin said his Ford Explorer’s window was smashed by two brazen thieves while parked at the Hampton Inn.
• Aug. 31: A woman called at 8 p.m. from the 1800 block of Broad who said she’s been staying at a friend’s house and now her ex-boyfriend has shown up, in this week’s example of why we need SWAT.
• Aug. 31: Police were called at 7:32 p.m. from an elderly man in the 2300 block of Johnson who swears he heard 10 gunshots fired. No report, as the bullets apparently all missed.
• Aug. 31: A vigilant citizen in the 2200 block of San Luis Dr., called at 7 p.m. to report a suspicious car parked across the street from his or her house.
• Aug. 31: Police were called at 6:56 p.m. to Smart & Final on Johnson to deal with a transient beggar working their customers, and refusing to leave.
• Aug. 31: Police responded at 6:24 p.m. to the 1400 block of Calle Joaquin where some suspicious fellow was lingering in the bathroom at Quickie Car Wash.
• Aug. 31: Police responded at 5:39 p.m. to Trader Joes because some freeloader keeps going in and eating half gallon Haagen Dazs ice cream.
• Aug. 31: Someone reported two people passed out in a car at Taco Bell on Broad. One was slumped over the wheel and the caller thought Cheech & Chong were stoned.
• Aug. 31: At 5:17 p.m. at LOVR and Madonna some lunatic was running in and out of traffic and screaming, at cars. It was presumably the same dingus that was reported doing the same at 2:50.
• Aug. 31: Police noted that a funeral procession for a U.S. Forest Service officer who died in a car crash at a wildfire in Northern California would be rolling down the 101 about 5 p.m.
• Aug. 31: Police were called at 4:37 p.m. by someone at Dalidio and Madonna reporting a man driving a red truck was in a rage over some fellow on a bike.
• Aug. 31: Some uncool cat tried to steal sunglasses from Solstice.
• Aug. 31: A car was parked blocking a driveway in the 1400 block of Phillips. Another slug was laying down at Johnson and Monterey blocking the sidewalk.
• Aug. 31: Police got a call at 10:33 a.m. from the 3900 block of Higuera where some weirdo was scaring the straights at Starbucks.
• Aug. 31: Someone reported a transient man walking down Santa Rosa looking into parked cars and swinging a shower rod, no doubt handy to break car windows with…
• Aug. 31: Police responded to Sierra Vista Hospital at 8:47 because a transient woman had been in the main lobby bathroom for an hour and a half.
• Aug. 31: Police responded to the Apple Farm Inn where they said some joker slept overnight in a tour bus, and was still in there.
• Aug. 31: Police were notified of an open sinkhole at Chorro and Meinecke.
