San Luis Obispo Police Blotter

• March 3: A citizen reported at 6 a.m. from the 1800 block of Santa Barbara that a “DPSA Construction” work truck was parked on the street with the tool boxes open. A few minutes earlier a citizen in the 300 block of Patricia noticed his or her parked car’s doors were open, as some thief was apparently born in a barn.
• March 3: A burglar alarm sounded at 4:53 a.m. in the 1000 block of Chorro on the storage room at Sal’s Sandwiches. It was baloney.
• March 3: Police were called at 3:26 a.m. to oversee the towing off of a gray Lexus from Mustang Village, for which daddy’s not going to be happy. They also towed off a gray VW Jetta, as apparently the parking rules are life and death.
• March 3: Another alarm sounded at 3 a.m. in the 1000 block of Marsh at Davita Dialysis. Police found the no doubt flushed faced employee responsible.
• March 3: A citizen called at 1:43 a.m. to report a suspicious subject checking car door handles in the 800 block of Pacific.
• March 3: A noisy party brought Johnny Law at 1:39 a.m. in the 1400 block of Slack. All was quiet so officers cut them some slack.
• March 3: Someone reported a suspicious fellow traipsing down Santa Rosa at Olive and arrested the 24-year-old stumblebum for allegedly being schwasted.
• March 3: Police were called at 1:13 a.m. to the 1500 block of Palm where a man said his soon-to-be ex-girlfriend punched him in the face.
• March 3: Police were called at 1 a.m. to the 200 block of California where an Uber driver said a man broke his windshield while he was at Campus Bottle Liquor, which could have been worse had he picked up the CEO. A 19-year-old miscreant was arrested for alleged vandalism and being tore up.
• March 2: Police responded at 11:31 p.m. to the 100 block of Ferrini for a report that some guy had covered the surveillance camera and was yell at someone. The maniac was gone when they got there. At the same time, they got a complaint of a loud party in the 1300 block of Foothill. Police warned the hostess with 30 revelers to shadd-up already. Three minutes earlier in the 1200 block of Stafford they warned another 6-pack of rowdies to pipe down.
• March 2: Police were called at 10:55 p.m. to the 1100 block of Morro where a guy said his girlfriend rammed his car at Heritage Oaks Bank.
• March 2: At 9:21 p.m. police were asked to check the welfare of a man down on the sidewalk in the 2300 block of Broad. The 49-year-old was arrested for being deep in his cups.
• March 2: Police responded at 6:52 p.m. to the 900 block of Orcutt where someone banged his or her car into the stage and a wine barrel at Bang the Drum Brewery and fled the scene.
• March 2: Police took a report from the 700 block of Orcutt of some perv showing a 13-year-old boy a pornographic picture.
• March 2: Police were called at 5:35 p.m. with a complaint that a motorcycle was parked blocking the sidewalk in the 1000 block of Higuera outside Firestone Grill. The bike was gone upon arrival, no doubt a case of takeout takeoff.
• March 2: A citizen reported at 5:23 p.m. that the driver of a silver Acura at Santa Rosa and Foothill was suffering a wee bit of road rage. The hothead got away.
• March 2: Police were called at 4:48 p.m. to the 3400 block of Higuera because there was a transient man camping in the back corner of the lot at County Social Services. Earlier, at 2:46 p.m. someone at DSS reported a caged pit bull in the back of a parked truck with a bloody nose.
• March 2: Police were called to the 2200 block of Broad where a buzzed fellow stole desserts from The Rib Line, a case of don’t that just take the cake.
• March 2: A citizen came to the police station to report a hit-n-split that happened at Mill and California. There was another crash-n-dash on the first level of a parking garage on Casa.
• March 2: A counterfeit $100 bill was passed at Whiz Kids Toys in the 3900 block of Broad.
• March 2: Some spawn of hell vandalized the Church of Christ on Lawton.
• March 2: Someone called at 1 p.m. from the Amtrak Station to report a disorderly loudmouth sitting on a bench hollering’ at passersby, this week’s example of why we need SWAT.
• March 2: Police were called at 10:54 a.m. to Laguna Lake Park for a suspicious subject, as apparently water in the lake isn’t the only thing that’s returned.