Morro Bay
• Feb. 2: Police took several reports of some larcenous scoundrels getting into parked cars overnight. Reports were in the 2200 block of Emerald Cr. (four), 2200 Coral, 100 Andros, 165 Hatteras, 100 Damar, and 200 Gilbert. Thankfully, through some good police work, officers arrested two women in connection with these cases and then discovered two men who reportedly confessed to untold more car thefts. Police estimate the case could involve more than 40 and have a pile of suspected stolen property they want to return to its owners. There were also several vandalism to vehicles cases, as the gang that couldn’t’ shoot straight apparently couldn’t get past the door locks.
• Feb. 3: Some sinner vandalized the window of a business in the 1000 block of Kennedy Way. And in another chicken-sh*t crime, someone stole a check from a mailbox in the 100 block of Easter St., and then cashed it in SLO.
• Feb. 3: Police responded at 5:51 p.m. to Rite Aid where they’d caught a suspected shoplifter. Logs indicated a 20-year-old, sticky-fingered woman was cited and released with a no doubt cross-your-heart promise to appear. They caught another one Feb. 6, that time it was a 27-year-old thief-ette, whom logs said made the long ride to the pokey.
• Feb. 3: A woman in the 300 block of Rennel said two unknown battleaxes assaulted her.
• Feb. 3: Police responded at 3:35 p.m. to the 700 block of Pacific where a building jumped in front of a vehicle. There were no injuries though the building might disagree. The following day, they went to Del Mar Elementary on Sequoia where the janitor said a planter box got into someone’s way.
• Feb. 4: Police took a report of someone doing a Carrie Underwood to a parked car at the high school.
• Feb. 5: A woman in the 300 block of Avalon said someone stole a $1,000 laptop out of her vehicle.
Pismo Beach
• Feb. 12: Police were unable to locate a car that had driven through the area on Narlene Way several times, which didn’t used to be against the law.
• Feb. 12: A guest at the Ocean Palms Hotel reported that his fiance was hitting him with a pillow. Not exactly 50 Shades of Grey, but the two were separated for the night.
• Feb. 12: Several people on a kayak in the ocean reportedly looked distressed. Cal Fire determined that all was OK.
• Feb. 12: Security at the Outlet Center reported that two employees were having a spat behind the building.
• Feb. 12: A caller on the 200 block of Dolliver reported that a guy she had a restraining order against and who had been threatening to killer her via text, was now in her backyard. Reportedly the guy had also taken the caller’s car and kept it for two days. Police could not locate the rejected Romeo Lecter.
• Feb. 12: A suspicious car of unknown color was reported across from the construction trailer by McLintocks. It turned out to be a woman watching the sunset, which is something the caller might try doing.
• Feb. 11: Three guys chowed down on $46 worth of grub at Denny’s, and when it was time to pay, their card was denied. One guy said that he would return the next day and pay the bill.
• Feb. 11: A naked guy out with a pit bull was reportedly out for a stroll on West Point. The caller had also come across a car with the engine running that had a shotgun and drugs inside, presumably belonging to the slow-speed streaker. He was reported again standing behind McLintoks. Another caller reported that he had bumped into the guy who responded by saying, “I should kill you.” Officers taxed the guy, which didn’t have to much of an impact. They did manage to catch Mr. Full Monty inside a home on Costa Brava. He was taken to an area hospital to have his head examined.
• Feb. 11: Some guy wearing tan pants and carrying an umbrella was reportedly walking on the Boardwalk yelling obscenities. Police caught up with the guy who said that he was merely singing to himself. “Under the Boardwalk, we’ll be having some fu-un…” Everybody sing along.
• Feb. 11: Cal Fire responded to a report of a man down by Harry’s on Cypress. The guy fell off the wagon and off the curb.
• Feb. 11: A house on the 100 block of Florin was being tented for fumigation and some termite wanted police to check out the workers. Everything was okay.
• Feb. 11: A guy who liked to sleep under the stairs at a residence on the 100 block of Ocean View. He was arrested and hopefully got to sleep with a roof over his head.
• Feb. 10: A woman entered the station to report that her ex-boyfriend has been breaking into her house and backyard to steal her dog.
• Feb. 10: A man claiming to work for Charter entered Orchard Hardware Supply on official business. The caller got in touch with Charter who said that they hadn’t sent anyone out.
• Feb. 10: A caller reported a guy yelling on Price Street. The lug was doing construction and had hit his head.
• Feb. 7: A guy used the restroom for an “extended” period of time at the Five Cities Drive Shell Station. The clerk told him to leave but later found him coming out of the back area. The caller believed the guy had a knife, but police could not locate him.
• Feb. 7: A loud party was reported in the hot tub area at Pismo Shore Estates. An officer was sent to break up the partying prunes.
• Feb. 6: A caller on the 100 block of Narlene Way reported a guy that wasn’t supposed to be at a home had jumped the fence and was “creeping around” the corner of the house.
• Feb. 6: A caller reported a man on the sidewalk on 4th street wearing camouflage clothing and using a machete chopping at the trees. As it turns out, he was doing landscaping.
San Luis Obispo
• Feb. 13: Police responded at 12:14 a.m. to the Buffalo Bar in the 700 block of Higuera where a cocker spaniel had been tied outside to a pole for two hours. Logs indicated the dog was OK and police would check back through the night, until the mutt owner comes back for it.
• Feb. 13: Someone at Amtrak called at 1 a.m. to report a transient woman was trying to hop a freight.
• Feb. 13: A silent teller hold-up alarm went off at Heritage Oaks Bank on Froom Ranch Rd., clearly a false alarm as it was 1:34 a.m.
• Feb. 13: A woman in the 1100 block of Seaward called police at 2:31 a.m. after finding a strange man inside her house. The 21-year-old boozeheimer was arrested.
Feb. 12: The Grocery Outlet on Madonna Road called at 8 a.m. after they caught two 12-year-old girls with sticky fingers. The uncooperative hooliganettes were being detained.
• Feb. 12: Police responded to County Mental Health on Johnson where one of the patients assaulted a staff member. The 27-year-old berserker was arrested for suspicion of battery and of course probation violation.
• Feb. 12: Someone reported five homeless men pushing a disabled motor home out of a parking at Morro and Pacific, a case of manpower taking over for horsepower.
• Feb. 12: Someone reported at 9:55 a.m. that some donut hole was sleeping in the doorway next to House of Bagels in the 100 block of Higuera.
• Feb. 12: A citizen in the 2400 block of Sendero called at 10:27 a.m. to report two baby cows running through the cul-de-sac.
• Feb. 12: A citizen in the 1100 block of Laurel called to report some college kids were moving out and they left their couch, and it smells like college students.
• Feb. 12: Someone called police at 1:52 p.m. from JB Dewars on Prado Road to report some homeless man was chopping a tree down. Ol’ Paul Dumbyon said he didn’t like the trees.
• Feb. 12: A citizen in the area of Drake and Oceanaire reported that a POS travel trailer up on blocks for months, now has a “For Sale” sign in the window.
• Feb. 12: Some thief no doubt got a charge out of stealing a Honda generator from Arsenal Equipment Rentals in the 3500 block of Higuera.
• Feb. 12: Someone in the 1700 block of Beach St., complained about a car parked outside Sandercock Transfer Co. It was an old Ford Taurus painted white with grass, butterflies and ladybugs, so yeah, tow that thing outta here.
• Feb. 12: Police and firefighters responded at 3:30 p.m. to the Hwy 101-LOVR construction zone for a “bulldozer vs. traffic signal” collision with live wires down, as you can’t make an omelet without breaking a few eggs.
• Feb. 12: At 3:44 p.m. a woman called police and said her apparently troubled daughter just left and she believes the girl is over-medicated, ya think?
• Feb. 12: A citizen called at 4:10 p.m. from Madonna and El Mercado and said a homeless woman on the corner has a sign that says she needs help and has a lot of luggage, or might that be baggage?
• Feb. 12: Someone at Bishop’s Peak School on Jaycee needed help in the perhaps poorly named, Sun & Fun Room.
• Feb. 12: A man became dizzy and needed medical attention at Toyota of San Luis Obispo, no doubt suffering sticker shock.
• Feb. 12: Someone at Fire Station 1 at Santa Barbara and Broad reported a woman in the parking lot was being chased by a transient man and woman.
• Feb. 11: Someone called at 7:24 a.m. because some Hoss left the barn door open at Cowboy Cookie.
• Feb. 11: Someone asked police to check the welfare of a person at 7:30 a.m. in the Marsh Street parking garage. Logs indicated officers should drive up the ramp to the second level and just look to the right.
• Feb. 11: Someone called at 8 a.m. from Meadow Park to report a transient man sleeping in affordable housing — a cardboard refrigerator box — and taking up space on the grass. At 8:23, someone at House of Bagels on Higuera reported another freeloader has been sleeping and living in their trash bin and is starting to make himself at home. And at 9:06 another transient man was discovered sleeping on the front porch at San Luis Financial, and since he’s not there for a loan, it was hasta la bye-bye time.
• Feb. 11: At 9 a.m. someone called from the 600 block of Higuera at West End Espresso Bar to report that some degenerate smoker was fouling his or her air. The smoke apparently cleared before officers arrived with the rope.
• Feb. 11: A citizen in the 600 block of Monterey at the Leitcher Apartments discovered the secret hiding spot of a transient man, who shimmied through a hole in the back fence and grabbed a sleeping bag and other assorted stuff.
• Feb. 11: Someone was in the police station lobby from the Be Happy Wellness Café on Foothill, upset and just sick about something.
• Feb. 11: Someone called at 2 p.m. from the YMCA parking lot to report two dudes in a Ford sedan rolling a joint and smoking the evil weed. Police didn’t cite anyone as the evidence no doubt all went up in smoke.
• Feb. 11: Police responded to the Lambda Chi Alpha fraternity in the 1200 block of Foothill as apparently some frat boy’s car got repossessed, and when that happens there’s only one thing to do — To-ga! To-ga!
• Feb. 11: At 6:11 p.m. someone at the Marsh Street Post Office thought a man suspicious looking because he was walking two bicycles down the sidewalk.
• Feb. 11: Police responded at 8:30 p.m. to LOVR and Oceanaire for a 3-car meet n’ greet, as a tan Camry said hello to a blue Altima, which was then introduced to a silver Kia and they were blocking the roadway.
• Feb. 11: Someone called at 8:36 p.m. from Higuera and Bianchi to report an angry transient man loudly cussing and swearing for the “past few hours,” shoot more likely the past few years.
• Feb. 12: Police were called at 5 a.m. after a citizen found two transients sleeping outside the SLO Symphony’s Office on Higuera, and ol’ Beethoven had already told them — “Get-out-of-heeer!” “Get-out-of-heeer!”
