Arroyo Grande
• Feb. 22: Police were asked to check the welfare of some fruit lying face down in a field on Blackberry. The guy was moving and breathing.
• Feb. 21: Someone took the McDonald’s slogan Have it Your Way to a new low by trying to sell meth to customers. The Big Meth was arrested.
• Feb. 18: A woman driving a hatchback was reportedly digging through people’s recycling bins on the 600 block of Tierra.
• Feb. 18: Police were called to check the welfare of someone on the 600 block of La Vista who said people were outside who wanted to kill him. The poor guy was hiding in the closet. Everything checked out safe, but perhaps not sound.
• Feb. 18: Customers in the drive through at McDonald’s reported juveniles in the dumpster area and car alarms going off. The little scoundrels were gone when police arrived.
• Feb. 17: Some drip sitting by mailboxes offering people free water on the 100 block of Brisco Road was gone when police arrived.
• Feb. 16: A guy who had been drinking near Rite Aid went inside to pick up a prescription. He then reportedly passed out in a chair with an empty beer can in his pocket. He had been drinking but wasn’t over the limit, so police let him walk home.
Morro Bay
• Feb. 16: Police were in the process of towing off a vehicle parked for too long at Radcliff and Little Morro Creek Road. As that was happening they stopped another vehicle in the same area, cited the driver for no license and impounded that one too, a possible case of 2-scofflaws for one.
• Feb. 17: Someone reported that a kid from the high school who was in emergency protective custody skipped out of school early and gave his or her savior the slip.
• Feb. 18: A citizen reported finding cash on the sidewalk on Morro Bay Blvd., and gave it to police, who no doubt thaaank-you for your contribution.
• Feb. 18: Police were called at 1:10 p.m. to the 1700 block of Embarcadero where some Speed Racer was tearing it up and driving recklessly. The 24-year-old lead foot was cited and released to race to the courthouse and give a pound of flesh.
• Feb. 18: A citizen in the 400 block of Quintana reported finding two bicycles and turned them over to police. The next day someone stole a bicycle from a home in the 400 block of Marina, co-winky-dinky?
• Feb. 19: Someone turned in a driver’s license they’d found on the ground. Someone also turned in a Cal-ID card, and a food stamps debit card they’d found.
• Feb. 20: Someone at a watering hole in the 900 block of Main said his wallet was stolen, a case of round up the usual suspects.
• Feb. 20: At 5:32 p.m. someone at Ironwood and Sequoia reported some mongrel had bitten them.
• Feb. 20: At 8:27 p.m. police and paramedics responded to the 700 block of Market where a woman fell and landed in a potential lawsuit. The next day a citizen took a fall in Del Mar Park.
• Feb. 21: Police contacted a 58-year-old transient man in the 800 block of Embarcadero and cited the slacker for camping where they can’t collect bed taxes.
• Feb. 21: At 10 a.m. at Embarcadero and Harbor a car legally parked caught fire. It was put out and towed to the impound yard where the registered owner was contacted and told to come pick up whatever meager consolation they were able to salvage from the blaze.
• Feb. 21: At 11:30 a.m. police responded to a report of a woman making a ruckus at Taco Bell on Main Street. The 39-year-old chalupa was arrested for suspicion of being sauced in public. At the same time next door, a 20-year-old woman was contacted and determined to be higher than the stacks on drugs and was hauled to the nick to crash.
• Feb. 21: Police contacted a fellow in the 700 block of Quintana who’d no doubt crawled out from under a bridge and who had three warrants.
• Feb. 22: Police spotted a suspected stolen vehicle out of Fresno at 8:36 a.m. in the 1700 block of Embarcadero, down by the beach. They contacted two suspicious characters nearby and both — ages 30 and 40 — were arrested and the notion of stealing a car and driving to the beach was dashed once again.
• Feb. 22: Police stopped a suspicious vehicle at 8:30 p.m. somewhere in town. Logs indicated the 63-year-old driver from Escondido was arrested for suspicion of driving deep in his cups. He was taken to French Hospital for a blood letting and apparently had some kind of medical emergency because the hospital kept him.
• Feb. 22: Some scoundrel slashed two tires on an innocent car in the 700 block of Morro Bay Blvd.
Pismo Beach
• Feb. 23: An employee at the Sea Venture reported hearing someone running through the garage and then up the stairwell to the third floor. The caller was concerned because of recent vandalism in the area. Police did not locate any miscreants.
• Feb. 23: Cal Fire responded when a woman in the parking lot of a medical facility flagged down and officer asking for medical attention due to an infection.
• Feb. 23: Be on the lookout for a satellite dish scam. A caller on the 200 block of Five Cities Drive reported that they had signed a deal with a company called Warren Communications who promised better prices for Direct TV. The caller was charged almost $800 in additional fees. Direct TV is not associated with the company in question.
• Feb. 22: Some people reportedly entered am/pm to purchase some stuff but didn’t have any moolah. When the clerk told them to leave, one of them reportedly hit him over the head with something and he was bleeding. An arrest was made.
• Feb. 22: Police were unable to locate some gent who had urinated in the Ventana Grill parking lot and was stumbling around.
• Feb. 21: State Parks came to the rescue after people at North Beach Campground were walking around and talking loud after midnight.
• Feb. 21: A guy on the Five Cities Drive off ramp was advised not to stand in the middle of the roadway.
• Feb. 21: Suspicious circumstances were reported on Dolliver Street concerning a woman and a man sitting in a car for a couple of hours. The caller reported possible drug activity and that the woman was talking to herself while the man appeared asleep, which seems pretty normal.
• Feb. 21: Medics were called to deal with a hammered woman in the backside of the parking lot at Del’s.
• Feb. 21: Police were unable to locate a mother and son at Shell Beach Laundry. The upstanding son had reportedly been talking about shooting people. The family that kills together, stays together.
• Feb. 21: A large group of people camping on the beach were in for more than they expected when an expecting woman started going into labor. State Parks responded to help bring little Yogi Bear into the world.
• Feb. 21: A caller hanging out at Harry’s reported that someone who had been making advances at her had put something in her drink. Everything checked out okay.
• Feb. 21: A caller reported a man dressed as an employee of Pismo Lighthouse Suites broke into a room. The imposter had opened the door with a key and was confronted by the guest using the room. He claimed the front desk had asked him to check the room. The front desk had not.
San Luis Obispo
• Feb. 26: Police were called by a volunteer on 2-1-1 who said a man in the 600 block of Sweeney told him or her that he was going to cut himself with a razor, and we ain’t talking about shavin’.
• Feb. 26: At 11:26 a.m. in the area of Madonna and Higuera a panhandler was reportedly holding a sign and standing in the street, which is no way to get anything but run over. Police actually caught the hazardous fellow and cited the begging bugger.
• Feb. 26: Police responded to the Home Goods Store on Froom Ranch where they had a soon-to-be-ex-employee detained for allegedly stealing more than $3,000 in cash and store credit, clearly an inside job.
• Feb. 26: Police responded at noon to Whole Foods on Froom Ranch where some heartless demon left his or her two dogs in the car for more than 20 minutes, and the windows were barely open a crack, a hanging offense here in San Looney.
• Feb. 26: A citizen in the area of South and Brook called to report an elderly woman living our of her car and they wanted to make sure police knew about it, and you know what they’ll likely do…
• Feb. 26: At 3 p.m. a citizen in the area of Higuera and Nipomo reported a skinny white dude in his 20’s, wearing a tank top with a goatee and a Mohawk was apparently on the warpath and jumping in an out of traffic.
• Feb. 26: At 5:40 p.m. in the Vons parking lot on Broad someone reported a suspicious man walking around with his shirt off and wrapped across his face, as the stinky-Tee bandit strikes again. Worse yet, three transients were discovered camping out by Vons’ dumpster, as anarchy threatens to arise.
• Feb. 26: At 7:31 p.m. police were called to am/pm on LOVR for a report of some crazy dude punching into the air and screaming at no one, except perhaps God?
• Feb. 26: At 6:45 p.m. in Mission Plaza someone reported a disturbance by the restrooms. Logs indicated police arrested one 37-year-old scofflaw for suspicion of possessing illegal drugs and of course a warrant.
• Feb. 26: A man called police at 7:42 p.m. from Nipomo and Higuera and said he can hear music outside his house and wants it turned down. Logs indicated police said there was no violation, as just ‘cause you hear it doesn’t make it a nuisance.
• Feb. 26: Police responded at 8:23 p.m. to the 1500 block of Calle Joaquin at the Rose Garden Inn where a bent fellow pushed his soon-to-be-former co-worker and tried to hit him.
• Feb. 26: Police responded at 9:14 p.m. to the 3900 block of Higuera for a reported burglary. Taken was make up, clothing, $1,000 and two fish from a fish tank, as apparently the thief got hungry.
• Feb. 26: At 10:09 p.m. at Vons on Broad someone reported two teen-aged boys drinking a bottle of Champagne right in front of the store, clearly a rookie mistake.
• Feb. 26: A citizen in the 400 block of Woodbridge called at 10:12 p.m. to report a semi truck was parked legally on the street, which was OK, except that it’s no doubt parked in front of HIS house.
• Feb. 26: Sierra Vista Hospital asked police to contact the mother of a juvenile they had in the emergency room, what every parent fears at 1 a.m.
• Feb. 26: At 4:47 a.m. police went to 7-Eleven on Marsh to deal with some blasted fellow laying outside the store yelling at the clerk, in this week’s example of why we need SWAT.
• Feb. 26: Police responded at 6:19 a.m. to the 200 block of Casa where a citizen said his or her guest stole their meds and they think they were poisoned, a case of get better friends buddy.
• Feb. 25: At 7:15 a.m. someone at Santa Rosa Park reported some maniac yelling at no one in particular, having no doubt woken up on the wrong side of the bushes.
• Feb. 25: At 8:14 a.m. someone at CL Smith School on Balboa reported a suspicious old VW Beetle — the preferred car of 4 out of five serial killers — cruising back and forth outside the school.
• Feb. 25: Police got an open line 9-1-1 call from the 1000 block of Southwood with no voice but just a clicking sound, no doubt a Pygmy on the line.
• Feb. 25: At 10:14 a.m. a man in the 100 block of Stenner reported a black Hyundai Genesis blocking his driveway and he’d no doubt like it blown to smithereens, but towing would be OK too.
• Feb. 25: At noon someone at LOVR and Calle Joaquin reported a motor home over by AAA with a man holding a bucket that he’d apparently dumped in and then dumped out.
• Feb. 25: Someone called at 2:47 p.m. from the City/County Library at Palm and Osos to report some degenerate smoker out front puffing away. Ol’ Smokey evaporated before police arrived.
• Feb. 25: Police were sent to the 3900 block of Higuera to check the welfare of a woman with a bladder infection.
• Feb. 25: Police responded at 4:52 p.m. to the 1000 block of Southwood for a report of a 12-year-old foster daughter “throwing a fit.” The brat apparently settled down, as she wasn’t arrested.
• Feb. 25: At 5 p.m. police went to a store in the 1000 block of Morro where some transient man had come in a couple of times and was being inappropriate at Apropos. At 5:46 officers checked the welfare of a woman in the 700 block of Higuera yelling profanities and ruining the vide outside Ambiance. She was described as late-40s, 5-foot 8, skinny, with a blue baseball cap and tan jacket. At 6, they went to the 3000 block of Broad for another woman throwing chairs and threatening people inside the Alano Club, not exactly a bastion of hell raisers.
• Feb. 25: Someone called police at 8:40 p.m. from the 500 block of Higuera to report a dead cat on the side of the road covered with a blanket, it’s nine lives apparently having been used up.
