By Michael Elliott

Local Alert- Let’s give a huge round of applause to our local girls’ Five Cities AYSO Region 83 Under-12 All Star Soccer Team, which has advanced to the Western States Championships, which will begin play on March 22 in Lake Forest, Calif.  These soccer girls forged their way through a truly resistant gauntlet!  First, they had to advance out of the Area Q Tournament held in Lompoc.  They were able to accomplish that feat by capturing five straight games which catapulted them on to Bakersfield where they represented Area Q in the Section 10 Championships.  The Lady Warriors were triumphant in Bako and will now move on to Lake Forest.  
The girls are one of only four teams competing in their bracket, which includes all of the Western U.S.  Those are some nice odds!  It is believed that this team has advanced further than any Region 83 All Star Team ever has.  We anxiously await the results from these tiny titans’ next endeavor.
Did Dallas Do Dat?- Howdy pardners!  I’m Jerry Jones, owner of the Dallas Cowboys.  The number one rushing back in the league last year played for my team.  His ground-pounding thighs are nearly as big as my ego.  We were one blown reception call away from the NFC Championship Game.  We shall surely advance further this coming year with the aforementioned running back DeMarco Murray.  Whoops!  Hold yer horses!!  That sucker’s gone.  I just couldn’t pony up enough glue to make him stick around.  That dad-gum NFL salary cap got in my way.  But that’s okay fellas.  We’ll be okay.  Well, I will anyway.  Remember, ain’t all about the progress of the team.  My fancy, sparklin’, multi-use stadium will still be pumpin’ my pockets full’a Benjamins.  Ain’t dat da bottom line young ‘un’?  Y’all continya ta come to the games this year and spend yer hard-earned dollas perusing my ‘Boys.  Ya say you’ll miss Demarco?  Heavens-to-Betsy!!  No worries.  Just be around later in the year when his new team, the Philadelphia Eagles, alight to play us here in Texas and watch him run roughshod on us.  Happy trails!
Hoopin’ And A-Hollerin’- The seeds have been sown, so let the games begin!  If you close your eyes tightly in a quiet room you can almost feel and hear the roar coming your way from the impending locomotive called March Madness, as the NCAA serves up its finest collegiate basketball teams to battle it out for national supremacy.  No. 1 seeds Kentucky, Villanova, Duke and Wisconsin shall be headlining their respective regions as 68 teams have been chosen to vie for the crown.
Just who will cut down the nets in Indianapolis is great fodder for water cooler conversation.  The Wildcats from Kentucky are odds-on favorites.  However, the great thing about this tournament is that nothing is ever certain!  It all kicks off on St. Patrick’s Day so good luck to one and all as you fill out your brackets.  While doing so, take a chance here and there on the lower seeds making their way through.  It makes for a lot of fun and additional fodder around that cooler.  What the heck is fodder??
Sorry Mrs. Varley- Lordy, I hope my grammar school English teacher, Mrs. Varley, does not come across this column.  She’d certainly wince at the preponderance of chopped words and apostrophes.  Hey, perhaps I’d be off the hook with her if she resides in Dallas.  And if she does live there perhaps she has picked up ol’ Jerry’s lingo.  But, no matter what Mrs. Varley, I’ll always have a heart as big as Texas for you!
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